Men hate women who are unhappy and arrogant. LR, you may not be arrogant, but make sure you aren't coming across that way (Cary did have a point about the "human" thing). ALso, you said nothing about friends other than just that one. One best friend is not enough. Friends are how you meet people. Forget about Mr. Right and get out there and meet people and have fun. And if you're too depressed for that, go on an SSRI. I know many women whose love lives turned around when they "got happy". Good luck...

"In addition, marriage rates among black women remain low. Only about 30 percent of black women are living with a spouse, according to the Census Bureau, compared with about 49 percent of Hispanic women, 55 percent of non-Hispanic white women and more than 60 percent of Asian women."

-- New York Times

I don't know you, but I have to wonder if you might have unrealistic attitudes about what you are looking for in a mate.

I have a few friends that are intelligent, beautiful women that dismiss the men that are interested in them and look only at the inappropriate or uninterested men. I know many women that "seem" to have self confidence that dismiss men for purely superficial reasons...for wearing a gold chain, for wearing flip flops with jeans one day, or for being a little short, things that in the long run show nothing about his character or attractiveness, but do show that the woman is either way too concerned about what others think or is simply looking for a reason to avoid a guy that obviously is attracted to her.

I hope that you can find someone to love and love you in return, but it is easier when you generally like yourself and are happy. That happiness comes from within.

Good luck and I do wish you happiness.

Of course Cary is right. Your letter is only interesting when you break down. It is beyond dull as a litany of your accomplishments and virtues. Your grand parade of college degrees and cars is the opposite of self-knowledge. So, don't be stupid with men, but be vulnerable. Because obviously you are.

I can totally relate.

2 points that may help you: social groups, and being willing to compromise on the little things.

Point 1: Social groups. There's like a million little subcultures out there: for example, slam poets, gamers, wine clubs, the improv crowd, the society for creative anachronism, book clubs, outdoor clubs, rock climbing, kayaking, etc, etc. Go and cultivate one social group. You'll prob end up dating at least one dude. If that doesn't work out, find a new social club. Keep on doing this until you find someone.

Point 2: compromising on little things. Here's where successful women have issues. Little things are: he makes less then you. (You can still love this guy). He drives a crappy car. He doesn't dress just the way you want him to. He has a beard and you don't like men with beards. Little things like this don't matter if he's awesome in the big things: treating you right, making you laugh, a place of comfort when you're sad, able to hold conversations with for hours and hours, thinks you're just the bomb.

"I'm angry that people with less stellar qualities than I have seem to have no problems finding mates, while I spend all of my time alone."

What, exactly, makes than less stellar? Fewer material goods? Not homeowners? Not breathtakingly beautiful?

Yikes.

There are a number of reasons to sympathize with the LW and I feel for her when I think back to my awful dating experiences or others I have heard.

But then, I re-read the sentence above and I cringe.

It's wonderful that the LW is a well-educated, successful, attractive, fashion plate but what she presents is a laundry list of characteristics.

The good ones, men and women alike, want more than that. They know that what makes a person truly wonderful are the intangible qualiities that education, looks, and possessions don't immediately reveal. Dating shouldn't be primarily about how polished your resume is. Cary's right about how the LW should let her guard down and show vulnerability. Some humility helps, too. If she keeps seeing happy relationships as things that only "deserving" people get, she's in for even more disappointment. It's not a competition or a pageant.

He may be out there, LW. Your friend is getting married after a series of failed relationships. It's painful and you desperately want what she has, but try to view her upcoming wedding as reassuring: she found love after taking a few lumps.

It really can happen when you least expect it. I used to think this was the dumbest cliche in the world, until it punched me in the face. It occurred only after I stopped coming up with annoying specifications as to who my ideal man should be, stopped my affectations, and finally told myself it was okay to be alone. The boyfriend who accepted me with all my baggage, quirks, and dark humor eventually came along.

I'm really surprised by some people's comments. Anyone who is single knows that it is not that easy to meet someone special. Sure, you can go on dates, circulate, hang out with friends, etc. But meeting the one person you want to spend your life with...that comes down to luck and timing.

I honestly don't believe the letter writer has been too picky. I also think she has more than one friend. Please. She only mentioned her family and best friend to show that she's capable of loving, long-term relationships. She just hasn't been able to have one with a man.

As women get older, the pool of men to pick from gets smaller and smaller. I myself have asked my friends to set me up with someone. And you know what the response always is? "I don't know anyone single" or "I know someone, but I wouldn't do that to you because he's a jerk/male slut/drunk/pothead/you name it.

I know so many fabulous single women. I sadly can't say the same about men!