Letters to the Editor
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Not Real?
What's with the recurring meme that Cary's letters are fake? I could see a phony letter slipping in under Cary's radar every now and again, but every day? Is it because some of the letter writers seem irrational? Self-contradictory? Or because you don't see why their dilemma is a dilemma? Well, maybe that's why they have to write to a total stranger for advice! If they were logical, rational people with a clear sense of who they or what they believe, they probably wouldn't have these problems to begin with, and if they did, they'd solve'em on their own!
Now if folks really think that Cary's a dupe and an easy mark, or that he consistently gives bad advice (another daily meme), or that they could give better advice (yet another recurring thread), why do they keep reading it? Why not start an advice blog where one can dispense one's sage advice, taking meticulous care to weed out the apparently large population of people who get off on writing fake letters to advice columnists.
Then again, it's harder actually to do something (and do it well) than it is to talk smack about what a shitty job someone else is making of it.
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Let it go
LW, if you ever give money to a friend or a relative...do not ever expect to see it again. Give it freely or not at all. You will absolutely be disappointed and hurt and the relationship damaged when you don't get your money back when you feel you should.
It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's been my experience that money causes nothing but grief in friendships and familial relationships.
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Investing
Always implies a risk.
The risk is that it won't turn out well and you'll lose your money.
It is only NOT like gambling in that the house does not always win, and you can take steps and do research to influence and understand your odds more clearly before you take the risk.
Like gambling you might put your money in the slot, pull the lever, gets some bells and whistles, and leave empty-handed.
At the slots sometimes you get a free cocktail, but not your money back.
In this case you got $700. That's pretty sweet. My father invested heavily as a day trader before day trading was "cool." Sometimes we came out ahead. Sometimes we took some pretty significant hits.
At no point could my dad call up his broker and say "I want my investment back! The stock didn't go up like I planned it would!"
You invested in something and took a loss. Your problem wasn't that your friend didn't pay you back: you were a joint investor. You both took a loss. That he has more money than you don't change this fact. Perhaps it would've been nice if he DID give you the $1000 but to do so might have also been construed as insulting your intelligence. After all, one likes to think one is friends with people who know what investing IS, and that they are smart enough to be apprised of the risks.
If you couldn't have afforded to lose the $1K, then you shouldn't have invested it. Interestingly, the same principle applies to lending money too: if you can't afford to lose it, then don't lend it.
A few years ago a friend loaned me $1000 to buy a car. We'd been friends since college, he makes siginificantly more than I do, and for him 1K wasn't nearly about to bankrupt him, though it would've been a lifeline for me. Nonetheless, we drew up papers, he came with me when I bought the car (well, he was my ride to the dealership, too)and at the time of the loan I gave him post-dated checks for the first of the month for the next several months so he could be assured he would recieve payment back.
Sometimes friends will more readily loan you money than a bank, but the onus is still on the lender to ensure that they don't get resentful if the terms of the loan go south. Had you drawn up papers stipulating this was a loan, not an investment, you could've taken him to small claims court, and he might have settled more readily.
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Never do business
with friends or family.
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confusing
I like Cary's advice, a lot, but I find the situation described very confusing, and many of the letters even more confusing.
The writer seems to say that his friend was going to auction an item on-line. He bought the item and shipped it to Japan, apparently at a cost of $1000, and things went "wrong," but his friend never gave him a very satisfactory story. He does say that his firend in the past had said he would pay him the $1000. There is too much left to the imagination here. For instance, is the friend unable to explain where the items currently is? Did he send it so some on-line buyer and not get paid, or did he end up keeping an item not useful to furthering a profitable business venture, but still worth $1000. Business, friend, or whatever, I would be pretty annoyed if I could get a straight answer out of the guy as to what happened. If this is the case--that is, I logically all I can conclude is that Japan guy is intentionaly trying to deceive me to justify keeping my money--I agree with the letters that say this is a relatively inexpensive lesson in life, or at least as to this particular fellow. This guy is neither a worthwhile friend, nor a worthwhile business partner. Let it all go.
Many of the letters seem to assume, even though Japan guy said he would send the money, that this was a business deal where the writer knew that his investment was at risk and so he should not be whining now and expecting the Japan guy to pay the dollars. But I did not get that out of the writer's letter. Also, the concept that the guy is embarassed that the deal went bad, suggests that he screwed up in an area he was responsible for, and thus in a business sense would be expected to take responsibility for the loss. If Japan guy is saying "I do not owe you the money, because it was a business deal that we were both taking known risks on, and we lost," and I as the writer think differently for some reason, then it is a different scenario from the he is lying to me or dissemblin scenario. I disagree with certain good friends and good business partners about lots of things, and I do not dump either because of that, if i think they are sincere in thinking differently about something than I do. Adults recognize that misunderstandings and legit differences of opinion are the nature of the beast, whether friendship or business. To think otherwise is to "rail against reality" and to be grandiose and perfectionistic. Besides, it is only $1000.
That is why I think Cary's inventory is brilliant. That is, if I conclude it is my internal stuff that is really what is getting me down about this situation, and clouding my understanding and judgement, then I have really learned something worth more than $1000.