Letters to the Editor

Letters posted here are associated with the following article:
What will be the cost of renewing this friendship?
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  • You got $700. Cash the check and get over it already.

    You moron. Be happy you're alive. be grateful it was only $1,000. Thank goodness you aren't still business partners with this guy.

    Now stop whining and get on with your life. Really.

  • Don't hold your breath

    You're not going to get a check. It's time to let it go. Not everyone can be the type of friend you'd like them to be. He's fun at a party - if he chooses to show up. Enjoy what he is but stop expecting him to be more. And never count on him for anything, not even bringing you a beer back from the bar!

  • Consider too, that he's coming clean about it

    it's very possible he let it go, because he didn't think it was a big deal to you.

    I say, once the check comes, in addition to going through the introspection Cary recommended: drop it.

    Drop the whole matter, and let it go.

    Seriously. What good does it do anyone to hold a grudge, to stay angry, to NOT forgive someone if they can?

    You (the original letter writer) wonder if you can let it go.

    I assert that you can, if you say you can.

    That doesn't mean go back into more biz arrangements; it just means not holding it against him. My $.02.

  • good riddance

    Let’s review the bidding. He violated his word and your friendship, took advantage of your trust and avoided the issue for five years. It still sticks in your craw. He failed to offer an explanation or apology when he did call you. You still don’t know why he contacted you.

    Why on earth would you think the friendship is worth renewing? Why on earth would you want to renew it?

    Even if he did patch things up for a bit, the other shoe would drop. He would have another nifty business opportunity for you, or he would want to come stay with you for an indeterminate length of time while he was in your town on business. Or who knows what. And eventually you would be left holding the short end of the stick again.

    If he sends you $700 cash the check. Do not expect to hear from him again, let alone get an apology or explanation. Do not initiate any further contact. Check or not, chalk it off to Lessons In Life 101 and be glad you got off as easy as you did.

  • This is what contracts are for

    Why is there all that advice against doing business with friends?

    Because of what happened to you.

    Contracts are written and signed by "people who do business together" -- friends or not -- because a contract is a guide to "what happens if this all goes wrong". Contracts are where you write down, in legal terms, "what's the worst that can happen, here?"

    Any "friend" who wants to do business with you without a contract is, firstly, not a business person you want to deal with and, secondly, not much of a friend.

    Of course I know all this now because 15 years ago exactly the same thing happened to me as happened to you. I was out $6,000 -- but that's just a detail.

    I put the cost down to education. That's right. What I bought with that money was a $6,000 basic course in business fundamentals.

    You got off cheap! But you got the same educational program. Write it off to that, and maybe it will stop eating you up.

    The friend? Well let me just say a word about that: friends don't let friends drive drunk.

    How's that relevant?

    Well, in the same vein, friends don't let friends go into business together without everything being written down including what happens if it all goes south.

    He wasn't much of a friend to you -- but you weren't much of a friend back by not insisting on business fundamentals. Is that $1,000 starting to seem like better value now you see how it applies to you as well?

    "Trust" is for interpersonal intimacy. For business relationships, there's contracts.

  • Get the money back first

    then cut the guy out of your life. But most importantly, get the money. Because it's obviously bugging you, as well it should.

  • You got off cheap

    You got a cheap lesson in real life with only a $1000 loss.

    Years ago, my late father ran an insurance company. He relished each time a policy owner came up with a new method to cheat the company. When I asked him why, his response was simple: these people take us for small amounts and it keeps us on our toes. It prevents us from losing really big money.

    Credit that $1,000 loss toward your education. Now the trick is the next time you go into business with anyone, you take steps to protect yourself.

    SJ

  • A little more information...

    You have to be a little more forthcoming about this deal if you expect an honest answer or suggestions.

    If you gave him $1,000 as a loan because he was short cash at that time, borrowed it from you with the full expectation it would be paid back with likely only minimal interest, then yes, he is screwing you by not paying it back. He's a loser.

    If however, this was a business deal that you hoped would make a 20 or 30 percent return on that investment, and it went sour and you lost the $1,000, then that's just a bad deal. He lost. You lost. That's the way it is. If that were the case, I don't even understand why you'd expect the money back, and he might - and should - feel the same way.

    If you "don't know the full details of what happened," and it was "never explained satisfactorily," that tells me you're just disappointed the $1,000 didn't turn into $5,000 or whatever like you'd hoped and you wanted to get out of it scot free - in other words, you wanted a risk-free investment, which as you know is not how the investment world works.

    Without knowing all the information, it's impossible to pass judgment in any way. But you should take a harder look at the facts and see who the real aggreived party in this mess might actually be.

    If you expected a return on your investment without any risk of losing your money, then that naivete tells me you might be on the wrong side...Or your friend did guarantee the loan, in which case he's the loser.