Letters to the Editor
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Similar Situation
I am in a similar situation as the LW with my current job. I work as an admin in a very small legal business (3 executives and me) and two of my bosses are married & my neighbors. I'm 21 and in a lot of ways they have been like parents to me. Also like the LW, I've always tried to be loyal and honest with my bosses. At this point there are very few people who could do my job; sure, I'm "just an admin" and there's dozens of 'em, but it's a very good fit with this firm and anybody who's had or been an assistant to touchy executives knows that's nothing to sniff at.
But I just graduated from college with double major in poli sci/social sci and a very high GPA (upwards of 3.6). At this particular firm I'm making $9/hour with no benefits. And I'm looking at $600 a month in school loans. Cary's absolutely right here: I don't get a better job and I don't get to eat. This is not a philosophical or political or even ethical point. I mean I actually don't get to eat.
So I sent out some resumes and within a week I got a great offer from a respected nonprofit which uses my degree, pays nearly twice my current job, and includes full benefits. A 403(b) is nothing to sniff at when you're 21 either. With this kind of money I could afford to get sick!! So basically I had to tell my bosses that I had gone and gotten a new job without consulting them first. Sure, I'd only sent out resumes a week ago. Sure, I had just graduated from school and had to look at all my options.
Right.
They were pissed. I mean really, really pissed. I don't mean garden-variety frustrated that a trusted employee had to move on at a stressful time (when is a good time to quit a small legal business?). This is burning-bridges pissed. This is never-use-me-for-reference pissed. This is major guilt-trip pissed. And they live next door, and I can't move. You get what I'm saying here?
The thing was, they really hadn't expected me to look at all. It didn't even cross their minds. It's like your own desk telling you that it's graduated, it needs more money, and it's going to be moving on in a couple of weeks. This whole time it's been there, supporting you, and now it's going away. "Huh? Are you KIDDING ME?!" Like that.
I'm not saying they're bad people; they're really very good and they've been good to me. They're just bosses. And of course I feel like an awful bitch--I AM leaving them in the lurch, and they ARE screwed, and I DID kind of sell out. Anyway, it was a terrible clusterf*ck and will probably continue to be that way until my 2 weeks are up. They look at me funny and don't tell me anything. I pulled over and puked on the side of the road the other day. Be prepared, LW.
Okay, so this turned into The Me Show (sorry about that), but the upshot of this story is that you might want to consider meeting with your boss before you give notice or even make a solid decision. Sure, maybe this is inappropriate if you're in a regular corporate environment. That was my logic when I kept my little job search a secret (honest, I wasn't even looking that seriously... it just sort of happened). But if you consider him/her a friend, it will do a lot to smooth things over if they already have an inkling that you're planning to jumping ship.
There's probably no easy way to have that meeting, but I wish I had done it before I went on my interview or maybe even before I started looking. Maybe something like: "Fred, you know I think you're a great boss, and you know that I care about this firm, and I like it here. But I need to tell you that I have gotten some interest from this other company. It's a great opportunity, my kids (wife/ boyfriend/ dog/ commune/ car/ bank account/ crack dealer) and I could use the extra money, and I really feel like this could be the right thing for me. But I know that we have had some struggles here with (whatever) and I'm very concerned about leaving you guys when you need somebody."
If he's that good of a boss he won't hold you back. It also gives him the opportunity to reassure *you,* which (as anybody who dates knows) is a good place to be if you're doing the dumping. Go forth, my child, best wishes and kick some butt.
I wish I had done that 'cause it totally would've worked here. Now I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life that I wasn't honest with my bosses in that way*. On the other hand, if he's not that good of a boss or if he is just a nice guy with his own problems and needs you, then at least you don't feel like a big ass if you decide to leave anyway or (like me) they make you an offer you can't refuse. At least it won't be a surprise.
*Hey, give me a break. I'm allowed to be melodramatic. I'm 21.
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Worker Loyalty
It is both commendable and yet somewhat quaint that the LW displays such loyalty to his current employer. If I were his immediate boss, I'd be gratified. However. . .
I've been an HR director at several companies large and small, and the person who is above your immediate employer doesn't care about your loyalty, is not impressed by it, and will think of it as a damned inconvenience if he needs to shift the direction of the company or downsize. That person--the one who has hired me so many times to do out-placement--is irritated by the fact that you may one day grovel, implore or in some other way complicate an otherwise swift heave-ho.
When you blur the distinction between colleagues and family, you're asking for a kind of unconditional love and support that you simply are not going to see are you go up the corporate hierarchy.
Andy Grove, the founder of Intel, said it best: Each person must become the CEO of his own career. Use that as your corporate model and not a sentimental "family" template. It will allow you to think and act more clearly about each career opportunity.