Letters to the Editor
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From My Son, Age 11
I thought it might be helpful to hear from a kid's point of view. Two years ago my son started with the toe in the water questions that the LW's daughter is asking now. Last year he asked me straight out and I told him the truth. So this year, I asked him what he thought about this letter. This is what he said;
"In my class (5th grade) no one still believes, really. There are a few—but they're girls and they're probably on the edge. Still, we all still say Santa gave us our presents, because that's more fun. And that way if someone is still on the fence you're not the one to blow it."
"So, she's 13, she's figuring it out late, but she's figuring it out and it's not like she's writing letters to Santa during studyhall. I'd let her figure it out on her own. But, if she's 16 and she still believes, that's where I'd draw the line. You can't go to college still believing in Santa. Santa doesn't visit dorms."
I also asked him about the chance that she might get embarrased. And his response,"who doesn't get embarrased? I get embarrassed everyday. If she's not embarrassed by this, it will be something else, her mom can't protect her. That's part of life. "
So there you go. He's not every kid, but he's a good kid and he thinks you should let her have one more year with a Santa Claus.
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Expensive presents
the only other advantage I see to telling her the truth is that it would make it a little easier for her to understand why she won't receive some of the excessive gifts her peers will find under the tree on Christmas morning
A now-deceased older friend of mine told me that when her kids were young (during the Great Depression/WWII), and she could not afford to give them the same "Santa gifts" that many of their peers received, she told them that while Santa brought presents, the parents had to give Santa the money for them. Interesting approach, I thought.
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"I believe because I wanted to believe" =:0
(Closes eyes, chants, "I DO believe, I DO believe"...) I guess if you say it to yourself long enough, you DO believe. Like in religion.
I think it's creepy anyone over the age of about 7 or 8 "believes" in Santa. There's something wrong, dat.
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chilifries...
Your letter was lovely, and your mother sounds like such a special, compassionate woman. I'm going to remember the lovely way she handled the "Santa issue" with you, and will try to do that with my own kids. Thank you.
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Happy hols
I'm not convinced that any "bright" 13 year old truly believes in literal Santa Claus, but it is entirely believable that she wants to keep the feeling going. If she is indeed bright, she will know how to handle this among her peers (either by acknowledging she is being stubborn but silly/dreamy, which can be charming, or just not talking about it) so I doubt the LW needs to worry about that.
In the scheme of things, Santa Claus isn't any less plausible than any of the other spiritual and religious beliefs that so many people base their lives upon.
I'm an atheist and it may be hypocrisy, but I do love Christmas, for the time of year and the fellowship/traditions and general goodwill that it promotes (hate the commercialism though I think most people recognize it for what it is). I encourage Santa-belief for my younger children; my oldest figured it out for himself, but totally plays along for the common good.
I'm sure the subject of the LW's concern will turn out just fine.
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FRAUD!!
I'd scream "Fake letter! Fake letter!" but I'm sure some ham like Tennis might accuse me of missing the whole point of the fake letter if I pointed out the fake letter is a fake letter.
now a Tennisism: Perhaps the message of the letter is so wound up in itself, both metaphor and music, that to decipher the meaning entirely will break its magic. Perhaps we may not eat should we break the horn of plenty.
Is the letter writer a fraud? Or is Tennis the letter writer?
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Can we PLEASE get through a Cary Tennis column
...without the obligatory accusation that the letter is a fake?
Just yesterday I was at our office's holiday brunch and chatting with our paralegal. She told us that she was never really crazy about the Santa Claus story, but that her husband INSISTED that the kids believe in Santa Claus, going to enormous lengths to keep things going, with the result that their son reached the age of 13 before he found out.
Yes, Virginia, there is a real LW.
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Why not encourage her belief that the Earth is flat, too?
Cary, it's one thing to respect someone's beliefs when, like the existence of God, it's all a matter of faith. It's another thing altogether when the belief in question is, without a doubt, based on a false premise. Why maintain this teenager's ignorance? THERE IS NO SANTA. PEOPLE BUY PRESENTS, ON SALE WHENEVER POSSIBLE, THEY WRAP THEM UP, AND THEY WRITE NAMES ON THEM. Parents and family members and friends, Cary, not a mythological fat man.
The young woman is no longer a child and deserves to know the truth.
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Shhhhh...don't tell her!
Just before my son turned 13, he surprised me by saying he no longer believed in the tooth fairy, wasn't sure about the Easter Bunny but definitely believed in Santa Claus. I decided not to comment at all. Now at 14 1/2, he's made it clear that he no longer believes though he pretends to in front of his little sister.
I don't think your daughter will talk about it around her friends. She's already questioning it and is starting to have doubts. She'll almost certainly figure out the truth on her own before next Christmas. This is her one last vestige of childhood. I say, let her enjoy!
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She knows
A normal thirteen year-old (on the honor roll no less) would absolutely know there is no actual human being who flies through the sky in a sleigh pulled by reindeer and who goes down every chimney. She is either humoring you or pulling your leg, and her questions prove that.