Letters to the Editor
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Allow me to play the curmudgeon
If a 13-year old still believes in Santa Claus, do not claim that she is "bright". This is how christian morons get into public office. We tend to set aside general standards for intelligence when it come to common superstitions. Believing in Santa is delightful, so we are to think that this is just a blip in an otherwise terrific intellectual track record.
Everyone thinks his or her kid is "bright". Please.
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Nothing wrong with her
I believed until I was 13, and I'm not stunted, or retarded, or whatever other insults the posters in this forum seem to want to throw in this young lady's direction. I believed because I WANTED to believe. I actually caught my parents when I was 6 or so, but made a conscious decision to keep believing for two reasons:
1. I had a younger sister who wasn't part of the 'sneak down the stairs' mission, who believed. I didn't want to screw it up for her.
2. I was afraid that I wouldn't get presents from Santa any more if I didn't believe. Sure, the presents would still be there, but the tag wouldn't say "From Santa" in my mother's handwriting. And there'd be no more cookies to leave out.
My sister actually gave it up before I did, because it became fun trying to convince my cousins and classmates that there really WAS a Santa, and that you had to believe.
Once I finally got too old for the magic part, I decided to become part of the magic, and became a helper for Santa just like my parents. And now I perpetuate the myth with my nieces and nephews, and will with my own children. As long as they want to believe, I will let them, and when they decide they no longer want to, I'll ask them if they want to be a helper for Santa, just like I am.
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"Conscious decision"?
How can one actually make a "conscious decision to keep believing"? I'd like to make a conscious decision to beieve that my green fairies from Neptune will pay my rent, but I don't think my landlord will accept that excuse when he shows up at my door. What you really made was a conscious decision to lie about believing, to pretend to believe to please others. Sadly, this sort of thing is all too common.
I have to be curmudgeon #2 regarding the kid. American culture is full of references to the unreality of Santa Claus, from "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" to jokes to TV sitcoms to YA fiction to junior high classroom talk. Any 13-year-old who's managed to miss out on all that is a few crayons short of a box, regardless of her commitment to social justice. Please, please, tell the poor child the truth and tell her now. Years of ridicule and humiliation await her otherwise.
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For Pete's Sake, tell her...
You *must* tell her.
Disastrous things happen whenever people forsake reality for fairy tales.
As the last six years have shown, belief in fairy tales can even put a war-mongering idiot in the White House.
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There are many truths...
Sure, but this isn't one of them.
If your child ask you about the truth, I think you owe her a good answer. Not something which sounds "spiritual" or maybe well intentioned, but something you put an effort in. Something which you honestly believe is right.
The world is complex, and I don't think there is something wrong with abridging explanations, or the odd myth or fairy tale when dealing with very young children.
She is 13 though, and she asked you. Take her seriously as a person and give her an honest answer. This acceptance of her as a young person, not just a little child, is something she very much needs in her live now.
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Believing
In this country, within this group of Christmas-celebrating people, there are few rituals, customs and practices which bring us together. Christmas is the one time that we have the opportunity to let down our puritanical guard in order to give freely and wish and wonder and create and believe and hope.
This is not so much about knowing or not knowing. It is about hope and faith and charity. What your daughter believes in is not Santa Claus, but the magic of the time, the amazing things that can happen, the wondrous season that we people create because we have temporarily suspended anger, selfishness, doubt and hate.
She knows what's going on, but Cary's response is dead on - I absolutely loved it. She is asking permission to continue to believe in everything that makes humankind good and special, and to, if temporarily, forget about all the bad stuff out there.
Cary, happy holidays to you and a wondrous New year. I loved that you chose this letter - it seemed so simple at first glance but if we dig deep we find so much within it and the discussion of it. It has given me much to think about and be thankful for and I hope it spurs you gentle readers to ponder a bit as well.
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re: This is an incredibly bright child -- honor roll, advanced classes, very much a freethinker, with an amazing social consciousness. She's not stunted in her emotional development.
Hmmm, sure about that?
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Hard to believe
This is mean, but there is no friggin' way this kid is bright. THIRTEEN??? Jeesh, I started to smell a rat when I was like 7. How does it not come up in conversation with friends? How has she not been humiliated years ago by peers?
Or this is a fake letter.
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Santa exists if we believe
The 13-year-old is probably choosing to believe in her own version of Pascal's Wager. It's all good if Santa does exist -- and if Santa doesn't exist, it doesn't change much, except that her parents will express regret at how fast she's growing up.
But you're right, Cary. It is possible to pass from a literal belief in Santa to a poetic one. The best way to do that is to play Santa oneself, for those who wouldn't otherwise get presents from Santa.
The LW should sit down with her daughter and imagine a specific child who won't be getting a Christmas present; find, make or buy the perfect present for that child; and then donate that present to the nearest family shelter or children's hospital.
That way, the LW's daughter will know what Santa really is, and some anonymous child will, too.
Merry Christmas.