Letters to the Editor
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The 4th grade teacher....
I had a teacher around that same age who read us a poem about Santa not being real. This was in a small school in Oklahoma full of very sheltered children. Santa was considered to be an immortal man who was made so because he was so good that God wanted to keep him alive forever (along with his wife) to reward good children.
When she read the poem, there were tears in almost everyone's eyes.
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belief in Santa is irrational ... but we have actual proof that pi is irrational!
We don't need to have "faith" that the digits of pi never repeat, or "believe" that they probably won't because we've checked a few billion digits. We in point of fact have a mathematical proof that the digits of pi never repeat.
It is basically a more complicated version of the elementary proof (due to Euclid) that the square root of two is "not rational" meaning not the ratio of two integers. (Any number whose digits repeat must be the ratio of two integers.)
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Not forcing the 'truth'.
I liked Cary's answer.
It's her 'way' to believe, just as it is my 3-year-old son's way to seriously explain to me in the middle of any slightly 'make-believe' game that "it's not real, it's just pretend". From which, along with other of his habits, I conclude that he has inherited his father's strongly literal take on the world. Attempting to force him to admit to the joys of entering fully into imaginary worlds would be a waste of time.
Scientists like he seem, in our age and Western societies, to have an empirical advantage, but the LW's daughter is in pursuit of other valuables, and shouldn't be brought nose to nose with our modern Western anti-myth, anti-legend worldview until she chooses to see it for herself.
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Santa's role for even older kids
In our household, Santa brings my kids -- now in their 20s -- presents that would be inappropriate for their parents to give them. When they were in their late teens, for instance, Santa put packages of condoms in their stockings. Now Santa seems to favor giving flavored vodkas. Of course, my wife and I disapprove of such things, but Santa's just a jolly old elf.
As to whether the world is flat, mathematicians would call the earth being flat a good local approximation. If you went around believing the world is flat, you wouldn't run into any difficulties and things might be easier to compute, unless you moved quite a distance away.
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"You mean to tell me..."
This reminds me of the story by (first)mother-in-law told me about how she learned that there was no santa claus. A friend of hers told her that he didn't exist, and, furious, she came home to her mother, and hands-on-hips, began to pontificate how she was so mad at Sally, that she wasn't going to be friends with her anymore, because she said, can you believe it, that there was no Santa Claus! Her mother silently listened to her rant, then when she finished, she put her iron down and said to her: "you mean to tell me that you believe that a little fat man in a red suit comes down your chimney and leaves you presents on Chrismas eve?" And then, my mother-in-law knew there was no Santa. She was, I think, 13 years old.
Personally, I can't believe that any 13 year old would actually believe in Santa.
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The gift of Santa Claus is the message to the human spirit
"Mysteries and miracles abound in the visible and invisible world." What a wonderful thought to hold onto year round and an intelligent, beautiful response.
Allegra
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Is Santa Claus taking over the world ?
In Catholic Austria, Christmas tradition involves a flying Baby Jesus bringing presents in the early evening of Christmas Eve. The common public sentiment in Austria nowadays is that the purely commercial Santa Claus is forcing the holy symbol out of Christmas (Children eventually learn that there is no Christ child bringing presents. So it must be difficult for them to believe anything they are later told about religion...)
The background of this tradition is interesting, though. It was Martin Luther - who viewed the veneration of saints as a kind of polytheism - who brought in the "Christ Child" to replace the tradition of St. Nicholas (in many countries, St. Nicholas still brings children presents on December 6). Yet it appears that Luther's phrase "Christ Child" (Christkind in German) was intended to mean "Christian" and not the Baby Jesus in person.
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lovely response cary
thank you, cary, for being so beautifully sensitive and wise.
"... It's possible that your stepdaughter possesses a very poetic soul, and that what she gets from her belief is the pleasure of beauty and magic. So it may not be terribly important to her whether it is literally true or not -- what is important is that you be sensitive to what it means to her. The story of Santa is art; it is so captivating and beautiful that she may simply want to enjoy the music of it, the captivating happiness of it."
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AP classes !! Bah humbug.
My point about AP classes not an indicator of "intelligence". My mediocre son at about 4 told me, I know there is no Santa, but it makes parents feel good if us kids believe. Why infantilize a 13 year old? If you cannot have a real conversation about Santa how are you going to confront the problems coming up at 14, 15......? Use this as practice for having a talk that is uncomfortable for you and not necessarily for her.
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my 10 year too.....
My 10 year old also believes. Yes, her dad and I created the 'magic' of christmas for her - and no, I don't regret it. But, I admit now that I am concerned that she will feel I have lied to her and feel deceived - when she learns the truth. She says all the kids at school are picking on her. But she says "I know that he is real". She has never asked me outright - I would tell her. But her dad passed away this year in August. And now just doesn't feel like a good time to let her down. I don't want her to be riducled at school, but we have gotten thru this christmas ok. I think I will have a talk with her in a few months... Maybe it will be easier when it is not so close to the holiday and so close to when her dad died.