If she gets presents from Santa, as well as from her parents, I don't reckon she really believes. Especially if she goes to school. It'll just be a good way of getting extra presents for a couple more years - I know I still acted like I expected my Santa gifts when I was 13.

... that deep down, she knows. Her query shows that. If she's as smart as the letter writer says. So tell her.

By the way, what could "with an amazing social consciousness" possibly mean when refering to a 13-year-old?

My 11-1/2 yr old grandson still believes in Santa. At least, he seems to. When the topic has come up with other kids around who say otherwise, he has said, well, all he knows is that Santa comes to his house. Given other things about him, I'm willing to think he really does believe.

My daughter thinks it's about time to tell him-- again, so he won't be embarrassed by his peers. But, she's engaged to be married again, and her fiance thinks they should wait. (He doesn't have any children of his own, but is wonderful with my grandson.)

My daughter wants my partner to tell him the way he told his own kids years ago. Partly, it was desperation, because his then-wife was in the hospital, and he was juggling his job, 3 kids, and hospital visits, not to mention trying to pull off Christmas.

So, he told the oldest one that there was essentially both good and bad news about Santa. Briefly... that although he's no longer living, Santa set an inspiring example when he was alive and people still try to keep his memory alive by giving gifts at Christmas time. Since he (my partner's son) was now old enough to know the truth, he could help make Christmas happen for his brother and sister by helping with some of the things that needed to be done and were too much for his dad to do without help.

Eventually, each of the other two heard the same story. And it seemed to work for them at the time.

I honestly don't know what this LW should do, since I feel similarly torn about someone telling my grandson. But, I thought the example of one way to tell might be helpful... for when the time does come.

am I the only one who is concerned that a bright thirteen year old still believes in Santa? What the girl needs is a shrink.

No Ed, the kids who need a shrink are the ones who are thirteen and more experienced and jaded than some thirty year olds. God forbid a child show some innocence. So a kid needs a shrink because she believes something she's been told by trusted adults her whole life?

Don't kids learn the truth about Santa from older kids? That's how it happened to me. If you have a kid around 6 or 7 who doesn't start to figure out it's a fantasy you had better take them in to be tested.

When I was a kid and was told that Santa didn't exist, my first question was, "Does Jesus exist?"

Of course, the answer was, "Well, of course Jesus exists!"

It was about that time I became agnostic. :)

If the LW's daughter still believes in Santa, more power to her. As soon as she's ridiculed for that belief it'll be a great lesson in how truly irrational people can be.

Why tell if you don't have to? I'm 46 years old and my parents still haven't [and wouldn't] 'spill the beans.'

The only acceptable answer to 'Is there a Santa Claus' is 'What do you think?' with perhaps a bit of fun speculation thrown in. That was the answer I always got and is the answer I gave my own child. She clued in when she was ready; I never spoiled the magic.

I think there is a gentle way to ease kids into the realization that Santa is not a literal jolly old elf that comes down everyone's chimneys with a sack full of presents. When they start asking questions about how it could be possible, you can encourage that questioning. You can ask questions in response, like "If you don't think Santa can actually come down all the chimneys, then what might Santa really do at Christmas? What is really important about the idea of Santa?"

I think that the idea of Santa and what he represents are much more powerful and meaningful than any actual man in a red suit, than any actual gifts under the tree. The idea that there is a spirit of giving, of charity, within us all, and that we take time out every year to celebrate that spirit, are wonderful things to pass on to a child. And a bright, inquisitive 13 year old is probably old enough to understand that, with a little gentle guidance.

My wife botched a transfer under the pillow on behalf of the tooth fairy. When my daughter woke up, she was furious, as she had been pen-pals with the tooth fairy for years. And Santa, and the admissions office at Hogwarts. Great stuff. We didn't want to spoil the magic. She is a very imaginative, compassionate kid, and even though I think she was preparing herself for this truth, she was hanging on to the fantasy and loving it.

Anyway, she glares at my wife and says "OK, what about the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus?"

So the truth came out.

Within a few days, she was thinking about how to recreate all of this magic for her younger brother. As he is mildly autistic, some of these things have been slower to take hold. We may have a few years left of him sending letters off to the North Pole-- or having them written for him for a while, as language is his main disability.

"When I was six years old Daddy told me there was no Santa Claus. For nine months I prayed to God for Daddy to be wrong! Then he told me there was no God."