Letters to the Editor
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My son also believed at this age
And it sounds like his belief was like your stepdaughter's.
My son's father and I (we are divorced, now) went to elaborate lengths to make Santa real, despite living conditions that made it really difficult. We put out cookies and milk and snacks for the reindeer. We nibbled bits off the reindeer carrots. We left full stockings for the cats. I was leery of the effect long before the ex was willing to give it up.
My son is a bright and imaginative young man who had several very difficult years, in part because of serious illness.
The year my son was 14 was the year of the divorce and of my son's major surgery. I was not up to "creating the magic" nor was I up to creating more stress and pain. So. I sat down and wrote a letter from Santa explaining to my son that, while his continued belief was wonderful, Santa was really for little children. Or words to that effect.
A couple of years later, my son mentioned the "let's let Santa rest" letter from me. I was stunned. He had actually stopped really believing years before, but enjoyed the fantasy. He recognized my turns of phrase in the letter and was pleased at how I handled it. He was also sort of relieved because he didn't want to let me down. We had one of the best laughs together we have ever had.
I asked all the questions LW mentions asking. He gave all the answers LW reports her stepdaughter gave.
My son is in college, now, studying to be a writer. He has the ability and willingness to immerse himself in made up worlds while knowing perfectly well that the characters aren't real life characters. He has a normal student social life and, since he went to school with other creative kids, he was never taunted about his belief. It is quite possible he was "out" to his friends long before he admitted his disbelief to us.
So, my advice would be to ease your stepdaughter into a role where she gets to help younger kids believe. The fantasy can be a warm and friendly place to live.
Djunia