Letters to the Editor
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Tell Her, Tell Her Now
Do not let this girl be a thirteen year old who puts her head on the desk and cries. The unreality of Santa comes up a lot in school. Don't let her find out this way. She will be the object of ridicule at the hardest period in anyone's life to face ridicule. And for no good reason. Not because she's "different," not because she's an independent thinker, but because she's still falling for something most kids saw through quite some time ago. And they will use it throughout junior high and maybe even high school. Kids are not kind about these things.
Furthermore, she is, in so many words, asking you "Is Santa real or not?" Tell her. I don't think the "Yes, Virginia" approach really works. Wonderful sentiment for adults, but kids see right through it: "Oh, I see. The answer is 'no' but you think you're being sweet with all the sugar coating."
My guess is the kid is still having a very tough time with her mother's death, and she's holding onto Santa for comfort even while knowing there isn't one. 13 is very late not to have figured it out (if she hasn't), and I don't think this is true just in this day and age.
She obviously needs something to believe in, some idea of goodness and something that brings comfort. That may mean a religion or a commitment to an ideal. Those concepts would be much better suited to her age and mentality than the illusion of Santa. It makes grownups feel condescendingly happy that a child is still so "innocent" it can be fooled and manipulated. It isn't a good state for anyone to be in past 8 or 9, if you ask me. It's a sign of immaturity, not innocence. It's the mental equivalent of sucking a thumb or sleeping with stuffed animals.
Teach her about God, or about helping others, or about social justice and moral goodness. But let Santa Claus go now. It's time.