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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
1.) Her for getting involved with him( sexually, so as to cause more hurt than it would be if she wasn't sleeping with him) talking of marriage and everything else before knowing if this kind of thing would offend him.Why is she still screwing him if she knows that he thinks she's a slut. she is just making herself look worse and killing her self-esteem to keep a relationship that is done with. Not a fixable relationship.nor should she want to fix it.
2.) Him for being an imature jerk and holding it over her head for any amount of time, pretending to maybe get over it, when this is obviously a deal breaker for him and he very well knows that.
3.) Her for not realising it's a deal breaker for him and trying to change him and wasting her time when she should get her cats, etc. and move on.
She doesn't say what his reaction was to his friend who had the threesome. That would have told her a lot.
She's hung up about it herself obviously if she's still feeling "slutty", so why wouldn't he have an issue with it.It's not sustainable love if she wasn't aware that her particular past sexual behavior would bother him. You can find out what a guy will tolerate without tellin all about yourself.
I'm sure it appears that i am blaming the victim to some of the ladies, but I'm just saying that she is respongsible for her own happiness and if he isn't making her happy then there is no question that he's not the right one for her.
Get out girlfriend and be more careful what you reveal. I'm sure he's not telling you everything. That's why it bothers him so much.sorry guys but most likely he's no angel.
Next time get a porno out and see how the guy reacts to different scenes, then you know how he feels. If he won't even watch the porno and says "eew" then you know he's not very open about it and you don't have to reveal your past to find out what king of girl he prefers.
This psychobabble bull about telling all your past and being "totally honest" about even trivial matters is total crap and that's why people don't stay together.
upon hearing that you had a threesome, instead of becoming angry and bitter, would promptly ask you if you wanted to have another......
I absolutely agree with Cary on this one, totally. This guy is a judgmental, control-freak, emotionally abusive jerk and your life will get better the day he's no longer in it. I know it is very difficult to leave someone who keeps telling you that it's all your fault, because for some reason we find that easy to believe. But reality check: it isn't your fault and you are not some kind of horrible person, okay? You just aren't. He is a jerk, period.
And about the cats. Why on earth should he get any of the cats? He'd probably torture them and deny them food and water because he thinks they aren't good enough either. I hope you keep all the cats, change all the locks, dump all his stuff on the doorstep, and get on with your life.
Merry (next) Christmas, which will be better than this one, even if you're alone. (With the cats.)
Run far, run fast, and don't leave a forwarding address. You are right, he is wrong, and also, he sounds like a pompous prick that surely doesn't deserve your company (just my opinion for what it's worth). Leave him alone to masturbate to internet porn, which won't take long once you leave (hell he's probably already doing that, anyway). I am sure, as Alex states, there are plenty of men out there who would feel the same way, and they are all full of shit too. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I guarantee you he has something in his past that he is projecting. It never fails (i.e. Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, Bob Livingstone, the fabulously reverend Ted Haggard, Tom Foley, etc etc etc).
I don't agree that you have to totally immerse yourself in love with somebody to find out if they're bonkers. Well maybe really psycho serial killers would be that good at hiding their psychoness and then you might have to be immersed to figure them out, but other than that people usually give off signals to their habits and hangups, etc. before they exibit really obvious psychoness.
At least in my case I used to think that, but I think it was more that I really wanted to be with the person for whatever reason and I ignored and denied signs that they were psycho and not right for me.It just makes it harder to detect once we are involved, once you have crossed that line where you start letting little things slide because you really like them. It sucks and it's more difficult but it's so much more beneficial to find out that stuff before you commit your heart and then you can let them go without as much hurt.
Maybe i'm wrong but through much experience sometimes when i look at my past relationships there were signs that the person was not quite up to my par way before the major blowup.
and almost anything COULD be a bad sign, admittedly it's tricky to judge how much weight to give any particular (seemingly minor) thing. It's true that once you are commited you may not be sensitive enough, but for women anyway (since they don't have extreme horniness, except in rare cases) OR emotional commitment to moderate their sensitivities, EVERY MALE (unless they are either gay or a psychopathically good liar who tells you exactly what you want to hear) could be seen as a potential psycho.
Hey Alex, you make a bit of a deal about your education in support of your moralistic and, I'd suspect, deeply insecure views about women who have sex without you (sluts, right?), but I would have thought most grad students would realise that "Chasing Amy" is not a case study - it's a fictional film.
You're entitled to your own beliefs and you are entitled to chose a partner according to your own standards, but when you starting judging others, then you'll attract judgment down on yourself.
By the way, I'm not one of the sisters ganging up on you for ideological reasons. I happen to be a guy and I agree the LW's boyfriend is being a damn fool. As far as I see it, what my partner does, or has done, with her body is only my business if she wants it to be.
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Salon headlines in your mailbox
