There's never a reason for details of a partner's past sex life. It's one thing to ask number of partners, condoms in the past. No other details should be asked for or volunteered unless you've been married a long time. Asking for details is a sign of someone looking for something to nitpick about.

When he started nitpicking you, LW, the relationship was over. People nitpick when they want to get out but don't have the spine of balls to break up. They want to drive the other to break up so they can play victim and say they were dumped. He's mentally checked out of this relationship. The nitpicking and using the three way to manipulate you are proof.

For me, a single person having a three way is neither a slut nor proof that a person does not value oneself. An adulterous affair, staying with an abusive person, drug use, etc is proof of not valuing oneself.

It used to be premarital sex made a woman a slut. Then it was oral sex. Then it was anal sex. Then it was lesbian sex. Then it was allowing yourself to be photographed. Now it seems to be a three way for some people.

Give it another ten years. It will be virtual sex or posting videos of yourself having sex online...oh, wait, people already do that. Ten years from now, LW, you'll tell this story to your friends and they will all laugh at him.

No man other than a few rock stars and movie stars has any idea what it is like either because nobody but them can get some anytime they want. Only women and gay men can do that, personally I'd be willing to deal with a few repercussions in exchange for the ability to incur them at will.

so i think babelsquirrel put it pretty succinctly, that the main problem is the BF's ill treatment of LW rather than just the feeling of insecurity, which we all struggle with.

in this regard, while i completely agree with cary's advice, it somewhat initially bothered me that there was no acknowledgement of this reality. the BF is an ass, but his reaction is not out of the ordinary in our society as alex unfortunately illustrates.

so...alex...wow...uhhh...

you praise meghan for saying that most men can't handle a woman having any sexual history. i think both men and women are insecure about this for obvious reasons, but that men are more so because of various double standards, male dominance etc. and as a result, some men act quite nastily toward single women with a healthy sex life, again handily illustrated by you. i suppose one of my biggest problems with you is that you justify men feeling this way (and conveniently yourself). that since this is "reality" and the "norm", its cool. that the "average guy" would label LW a "slut" makes it okay. just because the "feminist ideal" doesn't exist, we shouldn't strive for a more equal society.

wouldn't it serve both men and women if we could work past these feelings and double standards? especially considering as many have pointed out that the "reality" (which you are not facing alex) is that most women will have multiple partners.

when you say things like LW clearly doesn't respect herself or her body, you are making a value judgement that is not yours to make. whatever you personnally feel about threesomes, you do not know this woman and you have no right to tell her how she should feel about her body. if indeed you are not religious, i think you need to think about your moral framework and what exactly it is about a sexual act between consenting adults that is inherently demeaning (to her alex? or the men too?).

which brings me to another bag of worms. all these people who seem to like to think that they are soooo progressive and educated and completely beyond the pedestrian biases of the masses. "hey, i'm a liberal woman, i don't stereotype girls/boys." "there was a gay guy in my frat, im no homophobe." "i'm an atheist, i don't make harsh moralistic judgements." "i went to yale..."

we all have "bad thoughts" but the only way anthing is going to get better is if we honestly look at ourselves and why we feel how we do and work past it. LW's BF refused to do this. i reccomend alex that you try.

He is just jealous that you didn't do it with him. Walk away from this loser and don't look back. He actually sounds a little scary.

To the woman who wrote about guys being able to go out and have sex anytime they want. LOL. If only. I'm a guy, and I assure you that I'm infintitely far from that luxury, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I once met a woman who expressed that exact sentiment to me, and her regret that she couldn't. Thinking that was an opening, I let her know that I would have sex with her anytime she wanted. She just laughed at me and said, "No, really, I'm serious. You guys can just sleep with anyone you want." Yes, that's me, King Stud.

But perhaps you were referring to the no social fall out thing, but I think you are over estimating that as well.

As to LW. Yes, it's over. I don't think it's fair to call the guy a nut - he's entitled to his hang-ups, as fruitless as they might be - but he has no right to punish you for them.

I'm one guy who would be more than willing to forgive and forget. There are others out there, too.

That's what I really hate about love. You have to completely immerse yourself to find out if someone is bananas. And then you have to endure all that pain if you find out that they are. Honey, go date lots of guys (Safely.) and have lots of threeways. Or twoways. And take up a fun new hobby, like kick boxing, or skiing. Focus on your career. Travel and make new friends. And, the next time you meet Mr. Pretty Awesome, take it slow and keep it light. That way you can hunt for clues about his sanity without compromising your own.