Loved Cary's response, but I think you were absolutely right to tell him. You were honest. And your reasons for being honest were right on target. Furthermore, you didn’t bring the situation up. Your boyfriend wanted to know. Now he’s acting like a petulant child. Geez, crying? Is he twelve? If sex is so sacred, why didn’t he express outrage (at least to you) at the friend who met his girlfriend in a threesome?

The only thing I can see wrong in what you say is that he probably was never the great guy and perfect life mate you describe him as. Because people really don’t change overnight. Perhaps you were avoiding issues that might challenge your perception? Or perhaps nothing serious had ever come up before?

It sounds like he’s very religious. In which case, maybe there are other things about how you both live your lives, or have behaved in the past, that would have caused trouble, as well. (Nothing at all wrong with being religious; but if one is and one isn’t, or the belief systems are very different, it can cause a lot of problems.)

In this day and age, a person in the dating world has expect that just about anyone they meet is likely to have had some kinky experience (and I don’t consider a three-way very kinky). What with the information overload, we’re all really aware of the variety of things to do in bed. And with the highly oscillating standards of society, there aren’t a lot of barriers (legal, social, psychological) preventing us from giving those things a try. Really, if he’s this bothered because he sees sex as a sacred occurance, he’d best restrict his dating to women who join the adult singles group at his church.

But you don't describe him as religious otherwise, so I wonder if this is even the issue. Does he consider it okay for a man (like the friend you both have—you don't say who's friend he was first) to engage in these things, but for a woman to do it shows some lack of respect for the "sacred"? Or is it the possibility of a woman being bisexual (not saying you are) that's freaking him out? Or were you with two guys and that gets puts his jealousy into over-drive?

I could understand if you wanted to have a guy on the side, or were using this to push him into a three-way with you, or brought it up to taunt him. But nothing you describe sounds like a reason to feel any guilt. So don’t.

Feel relief you realized at this point what sort of man your boyfriend is. And move on to someone better.

I'm not sure if this ommission is lying or not, I guess it is, but really what guy wants to know these things.If the guy is not a virgin, of what relevgance is this information? I know I don't really want to know about it. As long as it's not happennig when you're with me and I don't catch you, whatever. Unless this guy is a virgin and very religious,which there is nothing wrong with, he has no wiggle room to judge her.And obviously they have a sexual relationship so he's not that hung up about sex. This is a control issue obviously from her description of his behavior.technically any kind of sex outside of marriage is sin whether it's "dirty and unacceptable sex" or not. I'm not saying that a woman shouldn't say anything, but I am saying that details such as this should be revealed at your own risk. like I said this is the way it is.This is purely not being able to read this guy from the beginnig, or she would have known he would freak about it. She doesn't know him well enough. And there's nothing wrong with that, but then you can't get mad when this situation happens.

I'm really not trying to jump all over the girlfriend, but when you sleep with someone before really getting to know them you run the risk of them taking that past behavior and running with it. As women we are basically inviting these prying questions.

I also refuse to believe that he " just started" revealing questionable behavior.if he's this much of a jerk about the threesome there has to be something else or some other situation where he has been a jerk even if it was just a little bit. jerks are not just jerks about one issue usually.

Not all guys,but some will use this type of information against women to control them. The BF seems like this type, but as long as she allows it he will continue. this is not a situation that therapy will fix, simply because he's not wrong for the disapproval. He's only wrong for continuing in the relationship and beating her down with it.

Obviously this guy was going to have a problem with it if he just came out and asked about it.

If it has gotten to this point in the " sexual questions" you can probably assume he has already made some judgements or else he wouldn't be so curious about "what " she has done in the past.

Cut the "typical feminist anger" crap. It's really getting old. The woman is being emotionally abused and disrespected. You don't have to be an "angry feminist" to see that. Why is it whenever the man is in the wrong and a woman points that out, all you neanderthals crawl out of your caves to say we're all angry feminists? As if the guy isn't really wrong, we just think he is because we hate all men. That's YOUR issue, dude. Don't dump it on me. I love YOUR typical misdirected macho anger. I don't hate men at all. I DO hate a**hole men, though.

As for your other question, what's hypocritical is saying homosexuality is sick, depraved, disgusting and wrong... but still lovin' you some girl-on-girl. Same-sex is same-sex. You can't say male homosexuality is disgusting and female homosexuality is hot. THAT is hypocritical. Either homosexuality is wrong or it's not. Pick a lane.

These are the guys who feel SHE shouldn't be in a threesome because it's disgusting, but wouldn't say no to a threesome themselves. In other words, hypocrites.

You can defend this jerk all you want, and insult the rest of us in the process. I hope you never have a daughter, if your default setting is "any woman who thinks a man is wrong about something is a psycho feminist dyke." Because if she ever comes to you and says "daddy, he hurt me..." you'll probably tell her to put down the protest sign, shave her pits and be thankful a man wants her at all. Ugh.