First off, I think having woman like you would be such an awesome thing. To have a girlfriend who has experimented and lived such experiences is great and a lot better than being with someone who has not had any. Something like this can enhance a relationship to a higher mentally erotic level and increase the love between the couple.

I think your boyfriend is using this to control you and make you feel guilty. It is his way to totally gain control and feel superior. Also, he cried? This guy is a total wussy. What are you even doing with him? I can admire a guy with moral character and all but he cried? Come on and get real!!

I was with a woman for 6 years and we had a great relationship. About two years into the relationship I was going through the attic and found a shoe box and when I moved it the box fell over and pictures poured out. They were all pics of my girlfriend with different guys. There must have been a hundred pics of her with about 50 different guys and they were pretty explicit. I have to admit, at first they bothered me but as I looked through them I got excited and started thinking of the woman I loved who after being with all those men she picked me to be with. I knew I still loved her and thought to myself I was not going to hold it against her and instead find a way to use these pics to enhance our sexual relationship. We had more fun with those pics by making her feel good about her past as opposed to bad. After all, she would not be the person she is if it were not for her past experiences.

We are still very good friends today and I never ever made her feel bad about anything. Drop me a line if you want a guy who can appreciate your and your past :-) This guy does not know what he is has.

I had a similar experience with my girlfriend, and her past has always bothered me. However I have only mentioned it to her a few times and my attitude towards her is far from "mental abuse".

What's most interesting about my case is that I am NOT insecure, and I am absolutely confident that I am the best man she's ever been with. What really bothers me is that the men she's been with before she met me were all MUCH WORSE than me in every way. This bothers me because the image of such trash uneducated people with small p****s having sex with the woman I love is just DISGUSTING, and I went through absolute HELL in order to stop these images. (haven't been completely successful yet!)

Dr Dr, I would really appreciate your opinion about my case too. I love my girl and will commit suicide if my behaviour bothers her again even one bit.

LW, I think you're a fantastic girl, but give your guy a chance if you think he really loves you. This is like hell for some of us and we need some time and professional help to get over it. I also think you should both try to believe in similar "moral principles" from now on (e.g. both agree that threesomes are perfectly normal or both agree that threesomes are bad!).

Actually, I think the guy who wrote this advice column - I'm too lazy to press the back button and see his name and don't really care anyway - is nuts and is no position to write any advice column if he can't understand and empathize and see the sanity in this guy's dilemna. The boyfriend obviously has a very idealistic (not the same as unrealistic) and sacred notion of love, which is his absolute right and he just found out something about this girl that made him realize she's incompatable with that. Well, unless the situation is that this past is presented as a big mistake and she is now different. And, unless that's the case and that's enough for him, he probably isn't going to be able to continue the relationship. I mean, let's be clear here. It's not about right or wrong. Anyway, I love the notion of a menage et trois as much as the next guy, but probably wouldn't seriously date a girl who's had one.

Early in out relationship, my girlfriend told me about numerous threesomes/foursomes she had with a girlfriend from work.

Unlike some of the previous posts, I was not offended by this. I wanted to get it set up for me too!!

But then about a month later when I brought it up again, she told me that she would never have a threesome with me EVER. After trying to get her to change her mind, we both got angry.

So now I face an uncertain future. I have to basically accept the fact that I will never be able to live out my ultimate fantasy with her, but I also have to "accept" the fact that she has given this ultimate fantasy to other guys--several other guys.

The columnist's response to the original letter is very short-sighted and too theoretical. Unless and until you are actually in this situation, you will never understand how it tears you up.

I'm worried that the threesome thing between me and my girlfriend will eventually ruin the relationship. It's already starting tension between us. The other day, she was complaining why I don't talk dirty to her and why I don't share my sexual fantasies...

But how can I share my sexual fantasies with her when she's already done that but won't with me??

How can we have good sex when I know that she's reached her sexual boundaries with other guys but won't with me??

Take it from me, you do not want to be in this situation.

I thought, I was the only man dealing with this problem.

My girlfriend had a couple of a threesomes with two men before she met me. She was in a relationship at the time and cheating on a person has been a delicate subject in my life, because I've seen what adultry can do to people (my mother suffered for years) on a daily basis. So when she told me this I freaked out. Cheating numerous times on your boyfriend (her relationship lasted 5 years) is one thing, having sex with two men at the same tme doing so, is another.

1) She told me about her experiments because she wanted to be honest (that's her first mistake)

2) She wanted me to know from te beginning, because she was afraid I would dump her when I would have found out after a couple of years. She said: I didn't want you to think I was one of 'those' girls back then (she regards herself as one, that's her second mistake)

My mistakes are far worse. I'm entitled to my own beliefs and opnions. But they are not universal. I have no right judging her, but yet I do so. That's one of my many mistakes. I'm a hypocrite, because I have cheated on my first girlfriend as well. I condone my own actions and I disregard her justifications. But no matter how many times she says it's in the past and our love life is much more fullfilling, it's irrelevant to me. I want to make her feel guilty. That's how far I'm prepared to go. Up till a couple of months my girlfriend was very understanding. I told her about my background but there's only so much a woman can take. During arguments I no longer bring up the subject, but in my mind I keep the 'anger' alive.

Let's face it. I'm the one making a problem out of this. And I can condemn her behaviour just as long as I want to, it will never change her past. It will only change her feelings towards me. One day she'll wake up and leave. Serves me right. I have to accept it and let it go. But for me it's a hard thing to do. I'm not proud to admit.

I'm seeing a psychotherapist, because I have to deal with this in any case. I'm projecting the pain from my childhood memories and I use my current girlfriend as a scapegoat. I have no right to do so. I do not deserve a woman like her. If I was a 'real' man, I would let her go. But I'm a coward who preferes to blame someone else instead of taking up responsibility for his own feelings and behaviour.

Screwing around is not wrong but even as a teenager I regarded sex as something sacred, to be cherished and shared with respect for one another. I still have a problem with one-night-stands and threesomes in particular because I consider them disrespectfull to woman. I understand that woman often look for intimacy (rather than sex) but have little problem using sex to get it. Of course woman want just sex as well, but maybe they should be more open about it. It would make life a bit less complicated and frustrating.

On the other hand, my conduct is direspectfull in itself. What she did in the past, is none of my damn business. When she told me, I kept my mouth shut about my personal mistakes. That makes me jerk as well. I still haven't got the guts to tell her now. I convince myself, I love her but my motives to stay with her are questionable. So, hopefully I will be able to get over it. For my sake, my girlfriend's and if this doesn't work out, for girlfriend(s) to come. Until that day I remain a jerk. There's no excuse.