They're a bad match and shouldn't be together. End of story. Why this refexive urge to always demonize the other partner? This guy was okay with the past multiple partners, but had some kind of line in the sand when it came to the threesome. So there you go. Let's move on with life. And let's stop throwing out "it happened before we were together" as equivalent to "it doesn't matter". It matters to him. And if she doesn't recognize that, then she never loved him. Or more likely, it was that kind of sensitivity that she originally found attractive about him.

People sleep with each other - and some of those people are women. Some of these women sleep with many people. That's all it is - Sleeping around. I really don't see what the big deal is, and I don't see why people insist on using these archaic insults. If you don't want to date those particular women, then that's fine - it's a good bet that they don't want to date you. And as to lying about the past - no one - male or female - should ever get married to someone to whom they have to lie.

men and women see things differently lots of times and the differences are not always do to stupidity or maleveolence on the part of the men, but in a modern society where women don't rely on men for support men have no means of getting a real hearing if the woman(women) in question are not positively disposed, which they are not as soon as they are challenged on anything important (being a pain in the ass makes a man unattractive to a woman but obviously it does not work the other way around) so unless men can be agreeable they are out in the cold, so to speak, women(again in a modern situation) are under no such constraint. The original issue was the guys (probable)jealousy and insecurity regarding his own sexual opportunities, this brought up the more general question of whether the average woman has sexual/social leverage and opportunites which the average man does not have, this was, absurdly, denied. Obviously I never suggested that women don't have problems that men don't have. I admit sometimes I can't tell if the issue is hysteria or politically conveninet selection of facts, the two seem to be thoroughly mixed a lot of the time.

Just a note to say that I've since decided my earlier post was wrong. I basically said he's just young & the LW should give him a clear last chance. It appears she did already, and on re-reading her original letter it's also clear that I originally didn't fully grasp just how big a jerk he's been about this. DTMFA, and my apologies to the LW for getting it wrong the first time.

Ok, let's go through what you said:

"men and women see things differently lots of times and the differences are not always do to stupidity or maleveolence on the part of the men". I totally agree, but this isn't a man versus woman thing. All women don't see things the same way, and all men don't see thing the same way.

"but in a modern society where women don't rely on men for support men have no means of getting a real hearing if the woman(women) in question are not positively disposed which they are not as soon as they are challenged on anything important". Ok, what you seem to be saying is that, now that women have the power to live their own lives independently of men, we no longer have any need for them and completely ignore their thoughts and feelings unless they happen to coincide with ours. This is just not the case for most of us. People form heterosexual couples all the time, and in all of the heterosexual couples I have ever witnessed or been a part of, that involves mutual respect and caring. So the female side of the couple will listen to and consider the thoughts of her male partner, because that is how decent people of any gender treat other people of any gender. A woman who treats a man this way isn't doing it because she's a feminist or because she's liberated; she's doing it because she's a jerk.

Now, if you are saying this because you have been with women who treated you like dirt, completely ignored your feelings, etc., then that is finally something I think should be apologized for. I am sorry you had such bad experiences; no one should be treated that way, assuming you were treating the women decently. I'm not saying this as a women apologizing for the faults of other women, but as a person who recognizes that people of both genders are capable of being jerks and who doesn't think anyone, of either gender, deserves to be treated badly by a jerk. But I don't know women who treat men this way, and the men I know wouldn't feel they had to put up with it.

"being a pain in the ass makes a man unattractive to a woman but obviously it does not work the other way around". I don't agree with this-- being a pain in the ass makes a woman unattractive to men as well. Perhaps what you've perceived is that men you know are more willing to put up with annoying behavior than women you know, but that isn't really our collective fault. If you guys don't want to put up with annoying girls, don't put up with them-- no one's forcing you to continue seeing them. Now, of course, then you won't continue getting laid, but that's a trade-off each person has to weigh him- or herself. If you know guys who would rather put up with annoying behavior or put up with girls who don't treat them that well because they would prefer to continue getting laid, that's not our fault. Have some pride, get some porn videos, and wait for a girl to come along who will sleep with you and treat you well. I promise they exist, assuming you're a guy who treats women well. If you guys made the decision that you weren't going to put up with women treating you like dirt, women who did that would be left out in the cold and need to change their ways. If you believe that women treating men like dirt has become such a widespread problem that men are basically being mistreated across the board, then start a movement! If other guys agree that they are being mistreated, you will all band together and women will forced to change their ways if they want to continue having men in their lives, which I assure you many of us do. At some point our recent past, enough women decided that they were tired of having few options besides being unfulfilled housewives with little power in our society that they banded together and made changes.