If a threesome is OK in his world but not for her, that is a double standard.

If a threesome is over a line that he would never cross himself, and doesn't especially want his life partner to have crossed (or to consider crossing later on), that is not a double standard.

Close-minded, immature, insecure, maybe. But not dishonest.

I love your typical misdirected feminist anger. Sorry if you're speaking from personal experience, but you've got the wrong guy. I've never been to a bachelor party, shunned frat parties my whole time in college, and don't particularly care for strip clubs. Nor am I the type of guy who has one night stands and 'hook-ups'. It is in fact, the guys described above and the ones you direct your anger at that have the casual attitude towards sex that is required to accept something like this. Sorry.

P.S. How exactly is it 'hypocritical' for a straight guy to be turned on by lesbians but not by gay men?

but really, there is nothing wrong with a threesome.

on the other hand, it got me thinking, the norm these days is for women to bed as many guys as possible, which IS rather intimidating to the rest of us men who are not big time players. I would have a problem if the girl I was with said she had screwed 250 guys, for one thing because I do not sleep around, for another because I would be intimidated about how little I know compared to her.

figure, since unless a woman is fugly, (and even then) most women can easily have sex with a differnet man every night for decades. Say 3650 men in ten years for example.

This is how most women can be if they want.

On the other hand, relatively few men can consistently do this since a man has to be a real talent to generate such numbers himself.

So the end result is that there are many more female sluts than male sluts out there.

The mind boggles at the possibilities of what you can expect your girl to have done since it is the feminist fashion to be real loose these days.

I can't imagine not feeling like a stupid dope with a female who is ready to criticize everything I do, because after all, she had DONE everything hundreds of times with real EXPERT screwers.

It bugs me and I think it would bug most men.

Wise words from a friend of mine, to explain why he preferred lesbian porn: "I don't like seeing guys get laid."

Okay, so this is a complicated issue. I had a MMF threesome in 1995 when I was 22. I was on drugs and was at a party with two guys I had the hots for, and things just sort of happened. Everyone consented. I was not a slut by any means, nor did I believe I was objectified any more than the two men were. I wouldn't do it again, but I don't regret it either. It was an experience I think fondly about at weak moments when I don't feel all that "do-able." It's not something I talk about. I only shared it with my husband right before we were married after getting paranoid about it. He didn't like the idea, never wanted to discuss it again after asking if he knew either of them (he didn't), and I saw firsthand how it makes a man feel to know about such an experimentation.

It hurts just as imagining your partner with anyone else hurts, except doubly, because (according to my husband) it also forces one to think about what other sexual things this person whom you thought you knew has tried. It makes one wonder if he/she will ever be good enough for the partner alone, since once a person has had 2 people at once, one-on-one sex certainly would seem like it could be perceived as less fulfilling, and a single partner could never measure up to that kind of attention. That's not true, of course, since there was no love factor, and love makes everything seem better and more heightened. But let's not forget that there is perfectly great sex going on that doesn't involve love or commitment. Some people seem to have forgotten that, or have attempted to disregard the fact that sometimes woman actually enjoy sex, enjoy being in a submissive position, and enjoy feeling like a desired object, even though she demands equal pay and rights. The bedroom is not the office. The bedroom should be a place where all parties agree on temporary positions and displays of power.

I don't know why she told the bf about it so soon into the relationship. And it seems like she's ashamed and perhaps SHE needs some therapy. You should never have to convince anyone you're in a relationship with, even for a minute, that you are a worthy non-slut. But the bf reacted like any other guy, albeit a more immature one.

But here's the kicker. When I fessed up about the threesome, my husband fessed up about getting a BJ from a prostitute when he was 19. And THAT made me sick to my stomach for a few days and I walked around thinking that was 10 times worse than what I did. I mean, what kind of a guy goes to a hooker? And I have to say, it still bothers me sometimes. Was it not supposed to? Do I need therapy? Maybe. Everyone has a pandora's box of sexual secrets; sometimes the secret is simply intolerance.

Let's not worry about who is "nuts." We all have different standards for sexual behaviour. In my personal world, a threesome is really rather mundane, not near the edge of what I would consider relatively normal at all. For some people virginity might be an issue. The real issue is not the letter writer's sexual history. That's the trigger here, but it isn't the most important issue.

The big issue here is that the LW's boyfriend is treating her badly. For some reason, he is using this as a weapon to emotionally traumatize the LW. If he won't go to couples counselling, the LW has no reasonable choice other than to leave.

It's going to hurt, be sad, a huge loss. However, sticking around in a relationship that has become emotionally abusive and where there is no reasonable hope that it is going to get better is a mistake. It sounds like the relationship has crossed into that emotionally abusive territory.

If the LW's BF would engage in couples counselling then perhaps there might be some hope. As most couples counsellors know, by the time a couple walks in the door the prospects for the relationship aren't great. The LW should be aware that even if couples counselling were a possibility, it probably wouldn't be a quick 5-session fix.

To the LW: Nobody has the right to consistently treat you badly and shame you. As I read your letter, I'm angry on your behalf.