And everyone else who says that the boyfriend is completely within his rights to be uncomfortable with a threesome and we are being too judgmental....

The vast majority of us are NOT saying he doesn't have a right to be uncomfortable. If he doesn't like the idea of a threesome, he doesn't like it. He is absolutely free to tell her that it's a deal breaker and leave. If she had written in saying, "my boyfriend dumped me because I had a threesome, isn't he crazy?" I would not be sitting here saying "yes, he is."

The point, as many people have reiterated, is that this guy has emotionally abused her for SIX MONTHS about the fact she had a threesome. He has nitpicked, withheld sex, made her feel ashamed, made her feel like everything she does is wrong, etc. It is based on this behavior that we are condemning him: he is acting in a controlling way, he apparently enjoys punishing her for long periods of time, and he seems to value the relationship not for the joy it can bring both of them, but for the power he can get in possessing her.

This is why he deserves to be condemned. He is absolutely welcome to leave the LW, go find a woman with sexual values closer to his, and have a wonderful, vanilla sex life with her, and most of us would not look down on him at all.

This is NOT about BF judging LW because she has, in general terms, a sexual past. Therefore almost all the letters to this article are irrelevant.

This is about LW disclosing that she's been in a threesome -- one of the ultimate male fantasies -- and the jealousy at not having been there is driving him nuts and irrational.

Until the therapist is comfortable and worry-free he is 'pushing shit up a hill' tp help anyone!!! gee, he can't even help himself to get above the pleb's trivial concerns. My friend has a saying, "what other people think is none of my business"....too right.

The point, as many people have reiterated, is that this guy has emotionally abused her for SIX MONTHS about the fact she had a threesome. He has nitpicked, withheld sex, made her feel ashamed, made her feel like everything she does is wrong, etc. It is based on this behavior that we are condemning him: he is acting in a controlling way, he apparently enjoys punishing her for long periods of time, and he seems to value the relationship not for the joy it can bring both of them, but for the power he can get in possessing her.

This is why he deserves to be condemned. He is absolutely welcome to leave the LW, go find a woman with sexual values closer to his, and have a wonderful, vanilla sex life with her, and most of us would not look down on him at all.

I agree that the guy is not reacting well, and may very well be acting abusively. He may very well be a complete jerk. The decent, mature thing to do would be to honest, acknowledge that he couldn't handle this, and leave. All this is true. I'm just hesitant to CONDEMN him on the basis of a few slim paragraphs. I'm sure the situation is complicated, and jumping to conclusions seems unfair.

I also agree that double standards and hypocrisy are noxious, and that men who think it's their right to dictate sexual behavior to women ought to put a sock in it.

But while you may not fall into this camp, there are plenty of people on this thread saying he has no right to judge her, maintaining that sexual history is no legitimate concern for a potential partner, intimating that any man who has reservations about a woman with a lengthy sexual history is a knuckle-dragging patriarch, etc. This is unfair. Some of us are just old-fashioned, prefer to live our lives according to certain standards, and want partners who do the same. As I said, people with different sexual mores can do as they please. I'm not trying to force my values on anyone, but don't tell me I'm a self-righteous asshole for having them. People have as much right to reject others on this basis as they do on the basis of Republican party membership, fondness for Justin Timberlake's music, poor taste in interior decor, etc. We all make a million judgments in our romantic choices - if we're so hostile to hypocrisy, we ought to acknowledge that.

Wow with 260+ responses this must be an issue of greater geo-political importance than I realised.

I think the boyfriend should simply leave her and find someone (with a similar outlook) he's happier with then they can both move on with their lives.

Personally in his shoe's, I'd be plying her with a tub of scrumptious ice-cream and a box Belgiums finest chocolates in an effort to get her to invite one of her girlfriends over for a re-run.

But each to his own

My husband tells me that the guys at his office are always complaining about how their wives never have sex with them.

I always thought this was weird, but after reading about the LW's boyfriend and some of the other responses in support of him, I think I get it.

These guys are so insecure about their own sexual abilities, that they look for partners who are inexperienced sexually or possibly even have sexual hang-ups. Then they are all shocked when they find themselves in sexless marriages.

Back in high school and college I was rejected by a few guys who were turned off by the fact that I was so turned on by sex. I bet those same guys are the ones complaining about their nonexistent sex lives now.

Meanwhile, my husband, who, by the way, would never have been bothered if I'd had a threesome, says I'm the perfect woman-- a sweet mother and preschool teacher by day, who is a total slut in the bedroom at night.

If you worry about your woman being too slutty and only date inexperienced women, guys, prepare for a lifetime of cold showers.