over 200 letters on this issue? Good god, people, by the way some of you are reacting you'd have thought she fucked the dog. get a grip...fer krist sake.

so here's the big question: are there any pics...;)?

so what?

"I really don't understand you, anon. First of all, if you are not a hideously repulsive troll"

Anon is apparently a troll of one form or another.

"with some effort, you too can rack up your number as high up as you see fit."

Yeah, but that requires actual effort. Anon apparently prefers to whine and troll instead.

a woman, without investing any effort can pick what she wants, any time she wants, out of a huge number of people who are making themselves available. Isn't it obvious that even if both people end up sleeping with the same number of people that the two situations are different.

anon is just looking for reasons to punish women. How telling.

men spend a lot of time working it and have to settle for what they can get as aresult of that work

a woman, without investing any effort can pick what she wants, any time she wants, out of a huge number of people who are making themselves available. Isn't it obvious that even if both people end up sleeping with the same number of people that the two situations are different.

-- anon

This is probably the way it seems from your vantage point. But your vantage point is that of a self-serving justifier of your own failures with women, for whatever reason. Might I suggest going out and meeting someone women, and refraining from bashing them and telling them how they have it really easy? People don't appreciate that.

Maybe you're posting from the 50's, where men were exclusively the pursuers, and women never picked up on guys, women were never rejected the once in a blue moon they condescended to go on a date with a guy. I don't know what social environment you live in, but it has very little in common with mine, I think.

but if it ever seems that certain issues seem to be at an social or cultural impass you might ask yourself whether more ideological indoctrination is going to get where you want to go.

50s not 50's...

would you write the word fifty's - if so: who/what, then, is fifty and what part of the sentence is said fifty possesive of, pray-tell?

You're starting to sound like "everyone's against me!" Society is indocrinating everyone, and you're th eonly one who knows the truth.

Give me a break.

I don't live in the world you describe, with desperate men making every effort to get aloof and uncaring women into bed. I don't know anyone who lives in this world, and if any of the other posts here are an indication to you, few people identify with your complaints and observations. Shouldn't that be a sign of something?

I've skimmed many of the letters, and I notice a trend that refers to the boyfriend as "immature" etc. Certainly he is immature, but writing off his behavior in this way minimizes it in my opinion, and renders it relatively benign when it is actually deeply pernicious.

A woman, if she's anything like me, goes through quite a long and complicated emotional production to come to terms with her sexuality and to become okay as a sexual being. The journey may or may not involve experiences she regrets, but it is above all HER journey and not up for the judgment of others. It is difficult enough to navigate the bullshit mixed messages for women in this society while developing a confident sense of esteem for oneself. How dare a man who purports to love a woman inflict MORE pressure and criticism than is already out there, creating confusion and obstacles to fearless and self-honoring female expression.

This man is closed-minded and controlling. The LW, and all of us, deserve mates that respect and accept us, especially if our pasts involve such garden-variety exploration as does the LW's. Lose that guy and go buy a red dress and a magnolia to put in your hair.

Is anyone else failing to be surprised that "anon" apparently isn't getting laid as often as he'd like?

Apparently to be considered openminded on this forum, you have to be okay with threesomes. How about foursomes? Or fivesomes. Or thirtysomes. According to some of these posts, if my girlfriend tells me she had sex with 80 men at once, I should give her a high five and say "You go girl. Way to explore your sexuality". If I don't fully support that decision, or get over it immediately because it was in the past, then I'm controlling, insecure, misogynistic, and probably homophobic to boot.

Whatever. Obviously the guy is over-reacting, but still, whats up with everyone falling over themselves to sound so "sexually liberated".

by denying the facts about the different situations that men and women are actually in it provides an "opportunity" to claim that anytime there is a problem between them it is always the result of malevolent intent on the part of the male.

First off, I find it funny that so many writers are assuming that the threesome was FMM and that's why the BF is so upset. However, I don't recall where the LW mentioned which genital configuration it was.

Ahh, you say, you dope, it's only natural that a guy would be threatened only by an FMM trilogy not a MFF set-up.

I don't know. Maybe the BF is just very insecure and was already somewhat perturbed by the fact that his beloved was promiscuous and then he was put over the edge by the further unsettling (to the BF's mind) notion of the lusty trinity, whether it was FMM or MFF. In other words, he likes his sex vanilla and his women faithful and not too experienced.

Here's my take:

1) The LW shouldn't have to put up with the guy's insecurities if he's unwilling to put it all in the past.

Get out of there.

2) The BF doesn't need to seek therapy if his morals and values are different from the LW. They just shouldn't be together if he doesn't trust her, which apparently he doesn't.

Just chalk it up to experience and move on. LW, from my experience, please know that in a relationship you should be honest about the stuff that concerns both of you, but since your sexual experimentation, whether plentiful or not, was in your past and really doesn't affect your current or future committed relationships (assuming you don't have horndog fuckbuddies dropping in all the time looking for action), then just keep such secrets to yourself. Discretion is the way to go. It was your life before you became involved with the BF and I bet there's other things that you didn't share with him that you consider personal. The sexy past should have just stayed in the past. Live and learn.

Good luck to you both.