Ok, I apologize for assuming that you're a girl. But my point still stands that a very large majority of guys would react in a similar way, or at least be uncomfortable, so the BF's reaction, whether 'entitled' or not, is at least understandable. If you honestly wouldn't care if your girlfriend had been involved in a gangbang, then I applaud you for being so 'mature'.

My opinion is to not even go there with the "how many people have you been with and in what way?" topic when in a relationship, especially early on when it's going perfect.Things that happened before you were together are not relevant.You can only make it somewhat relevant by revealing. Stand firm on this "none of your business" position or face disapproval no matter how innocent you feel it is. Women can be honest without revealing their whole sexual history.I wouldn't suggest being the one to bring up this topic either, even if you are burning to know about him.

The only time this info is safe to reveal is if you're truly a virgin. It's the only acceptable answer to most men, even if you're a divorced mother of 3, no matter what they say. Men want to believe they're the only one you have ever been with, even if they know they're really not. It's an ego thing. They don't want to be compared to other guys, or think of you in the way they think about the girl they just slept with last night on their one night stand and so on. We are all adults. True. But the playing field is not even when it comes to this and you don't want to give a person a chance to try to make it be relevant to the new relationship. Whatever number I have given in the past, it is unacceptable to the guy.Even if it is less than their number, or in a less provocative situation than what they have just revealed to me.Especially a threesome, this is just not relevant information.

If you want to be in a relationship with a man as a female, "total truth" about trivial topics such as this is asking for rejection. Men are stimulated visually in general, so you don't want to give them a picture of you in less than flattering positions with other men, they can't get it out of their head once the image is there. As long as you're not giving someone any diseases, total revelation of your PAST private life is not neccessary.

I'm not sure I agree that this guy's reaction says something about him in particular.This is a general double standard. You just play along with the double standard.Rigorous honesty at your own risk. Don't ask,don't tell. If a guy persists in knowing "how many, which way and with whom?" he's probably going to be the type that will freak out. The only type of guy who I think could possibly accept or deal with this type of information is a porn star, but even then you're trying your luck. And really who wants a guy who doesn't care that their woman has had many many partners.Their character becomes questionable.That's just the way it is.

The guys who get freaked out over their girlfriend in a threesome are the same guys who are disgusted by the idea of male homosexuality, but would happily pay to watch female homosexuals getting it on. In other words, hypocrites who think that anything that doesn't personally turn THEM on is "sick," but whatever they dig is fine. Sex is "sacred" but that lap dance at the bachelor party was just a guy thing, honey... you know it didn't mean anything!

LW, you deserve better than someone who looks down on you and judges you harshly. It is NEVER going to change. It will just get uglier and uglier between you. I know what it's like to let the memories of when you were happy together override what the relationship has become. You hold out, hoping that one day you can magically get back to the way it was. You can't. It is what it is now, and happiness with him is behind you. His view of you has turned sour, and if you stay together he will continue to punish you by making you feel inferior. You'll be forever apologizing and trying to get back in his good graces.

I'm sorry to be so blunt and so negative, but sometimes reality is unpleasant. Sometimes things DON'T work out, and when your boyfriend no longer likes you and doesn't have a kind word or thought for you, you have to accept that it's over. His love was conditional. You've done nothing wrong... you and he are just not compatible.

And as you can obviously see the importance of judging someone on the present instead of the past, you must do it yourself as well. Judge this relationship for what it is, not what it was. Because that relationship no longer exists. I'm sorry.

Finally, a girl who acknowledges that the world does not operate according to ideal rules. What you said about the image being permanently burned into the guy's retina's was right on target, which explains why he 'felt sick'. Yes, there is indeed a double standard in this, as in many other things, though not entirely, as I have known girls who were extremely bothered by their boyfriends' past exploits (I think Salon recently had a review of a book about this, called "Was She Pretty?"). Of course, some may say that playing by the double standard encourages this, but if you want to put the burden of your entire gender's sexual struggle onto all your personal decisions, you need to be prepared for the consequences. There is no easy solution to this, though calling the guy a sexist pig might seem like an easy one.

And to agree with your final statement, the guys I know who WOULDN'T care about something like this are the 'player' types who view dating as a sport and sex as a casual thing in general.

The only thing that slightly bothers me is that you seem to encourage lying about it. I always have a problem with lying, but in this case I can't think of a better alternative. If the past actions really don't have an effect on your personality, I suppose it won't do any harm, unless of course the lie is found out. Beyond that, the questions get too metaphysical - does the truth matter if no one knows about?