I suggest that you and your boyfriend go out tonight and each ask 100 random members of the opposite sex weather they would like to leave and fuck right now.

I guarantee you that you will get a much higher percentage of yeses and a much lower percentage of black eyes.

I just wanted to say thank you for your posts. I think it was really brave to even read the things people have been writing here, let alone to respond.

As someone who just got out of a relationship with someone I loved very much but who wasn't healthy for me, I know it will be difficult if you decide to leave--but you can do it and survive and be better for it, if that's what you decide needs to happen.

And don't listen to the jerks who have used the word slut or condemned you in any way-- don't let those words reverberate in your head for even a second. You have no reason to be ashamed of anything you've done.

Spare us with this "primal" thing. Who gives a sh*t about your DNA? God that is such "right-wing-we-must-reproduce-go-forth-and-multiply" bollocks. Just pure bollocks. Is your ego that big that you actually believe every time you drop your seed your DNA is that crucial to humankind? Get over yourself.

These "men" who are turned on by the whole female on female thing but shudder to think of women being in control of our own sexual/reproductive choices when it comes to other combinations are knuckledraggers.

Never give a man "the number" or place/position. Also, never stay with anyone who withholds sex. Its demeaning and the blow to your self esteem is terrible.

I normally think Cary gives bad advice (being that it's not really "advice," but navel-gazing post-existential musing), but he is right on the mark with this one. The way he cut to the chase had me laughing out loud:

"OK, so maybe it was dumb to tell him. But you found out something. You found out he's nuts."

Priceless. And true. Dump this dummy, stat.

LeCastor and Anon-- you guys seem to be talking about two different things. I think Anon is right that, if you take a man and a woman of comparative attractiveness, it would be easier for the woman to find a man willing to sleep with her (the bar scenario he set up) than it would be for the man to find a willing woman. At the same time, that doesn't mean that the average woman does in fact have more sex than the average man, because, Anon, we women aren't taking advantage of every opportunity we have.

Maybe that's because if LeCastor were to go up to a hundred guys in a bar tonight asking them to sleep with her (or, better, go ahead and sleep with an attractive man she just met in a bar), she would be branded a slut, while if her boyfriend did that it wouldn't necessarily be considered in good taste, but it would probably be written off as "boys will be boys".

The anonymouses and no-names are completely missing one key point: more experienced =! better lover.

I've had some incredible lovers. Some were experienced, one was a virgin with women. I've also had some awful lovers. Some were experienced; a couple were virgins with women.

A good lover is one for whom the pleasure their partner is getting is paramount, and who takes pleasure from the pleasure they're giving.

Those of you who think it's all about numbers and experience are doomed to be bad lovers until you can drop that notion. Forget about the numbers and think about the person who is here with you expecting you to be a good lover. They're already well-disposed to think well of you, doofus.

The maturity level here is amazingly low. Plenty of letters from the “if she’s had sex with anyone before me, she’s a slut” and the slightly more liberal “if she’s had more partners and/or kinkier sex than me, she’s a slut” crowd. Not to mention the “once a slut, always a slut” crowd, and the “I’m not getting laid enough, girls can get laid any time but they’re not screwing me, o woe!” emo-boys.

Nobody can go back in time and change what they’ve done in the past. If you cannot love and trust the person who’s in front of you now, you should not be in the relationship. LW’s boyfriend can’t change the past, only his attitude about it, and if he’d rather punish LW for something that can’t be changed than try to get past it, the relationship needs to end, and he needs to grow the hell up before getting involved again.

And as for everyone proclaiming on girls who do ‘things like that’ and what men can or cannot handle, and why, here’s a few relevant data points. I had a lot more sexual experience than my husband than we met, including a few mildly kinky experiences. He knows this, but has we have never discussed the details. What we did discuss were our feelings about fidelity and monogamy. The fact that he had less experience was irrelevant to his abilities as a lover, because he paid attention to what pleased me and was very invested in making sure we both had a great time in bed. And frankly, I’d been with enough men that I knew what I wanted, in bed and out, and when I met him, that was it. We have been married for nearly 20 years, have been completely faithful, and one or two of my exes are still among our mutual friends. Oh, and he thinks I’m sexy as hell—and he’s right.

But then, he’s a man, not an insecure little boy.

Time to run far away, this guy thinks sex is sacred? That's a laugh! Nothing is sacred, nothing that I've seen anyway. The guy sounds like whole bag-full of perpetual problems. Time to flick that cigarette out the window.