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• Sunday, February 25, 2007 05:24 AM

  Hurts

  I know from experience that this is a difficult situation, and just saying 'leave him' is not the ideal thing for this girl to do, especially if both boy and girl love each other.

  I have been with my girlfriend for a year and 3 months now, and i absolutely adore her, love her to bits. However, I found out through a 'friend' near the start of our relationship that she had been involved in a threesome with 2 guys about a year before we got together, one of which she subsequently dated for 5 months. These two guys remained her only previous sexual partners before me. I had had no previous sexual partners before my girlfriend.

  At first, I dismissed what I had been told as rumours, as the girl I had come to know, and by this time fallen in love with, was (and stilll is) kind, loving, faithful and I have all the trust in the world for her. However the feeling kept niggling in the back of my mind that 'she wouldn't do something like that...would she?' So after about 5-6 months, I asked her about it. Turns out she was indeed involved in the aforementioned threesome, but only had sex with one of the guys. When I pushed her she admitted she 'did stuff' with both of them. I did feel sick and was on the verge of tears. I did consider leaving her because of this; I felt like I had been tricked, like the girl who had become my whole life was nothing but a cheap whore. I told her how I felt, which was a huge mistake because she burst into tears and ran out of my house. From that moment, I knew that there was no point persecuting her about it; I know I love this girl enough to let her past mistakes remain just that.

  Incidentally, she told me the reason she did it was that she was desperate to get her first sexual experience 'over and done with' so as to fit in with the rest of the 'popular' girls in her year who were already sexually active. This to me paints a sad picture of our society; that girls would rather lose their virginity in a sordid and seedy way, to someone who couldn't care less about their feelings, than wait for someone who cares about them to make the experience special, which is how it should be.

  But I can totally understand why this lad feels disgusted; it's not very nice to imagine your girlfriend being used as a means to an end by one guy, let alone two at the same time. I sometimes (make that all the time) wish she had lost her innocence to me, or if not with me then in a loving, caring situation, not just for some cheap encounter. Knowing that she regrets what happened makes it feel slightly better, however I know that there is absolutely no point in bringing up past hurts; me and my girlfriend are more in love than ever, and I want to look forward, not back.

  If this guy really does love you, then tell him the past should remain the past, and that bringing it up only causes unnecessary hurt. If he can't understand that, then yes, by all means, finish him. But there is more to every situation than meets the eye.

  —silent
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