This letter is associated with the following article:
Letters
Monday, December 18, 2006 12:00 AM

My boyfriend freaked out because I had a threesome

It happened before we were together, but he can't handle it and he's being a real jerk.

Read other letters about this article

  • Thursday, December 21, 2006 09:02 AM

    jls

    I see what you're saying about what happens after that initial period being irrelevant to Anon's point, but I mentioned it because, from all of his posts, he seems to think there's some grand conspiracy on the part of women to silence men's opinions and withhold sex unless they toe the (feminist) line. I'm just pointing out that, as relationships progress, the balance of power tilts in various ways (and obviously, in a healthy relationship, there is no difference in power and power isn't even an issue)-- so it's no grand conspiracy to subjugate men.

    And I hear what you're saying about feeling out how a man thinks about particular issues before sleeping with him. But the key point of that is that you're not saying "if you don't agree with me about x, y, and z, you don't deserve to have sex and I'm going to tell every member of the "female community" (whatever THAT is) not to sleep with you." You're saying, "if your views are not compatible with mine, I decline to continue to develop an intimate relationship with you, and part of that continued development is a sexual relationship."

    Every woman has her own idea about what she's looking for. So the fact that we actually have some standards (and frankly, based on what Anon has said, it sounds like he's pissed that women have some standards but the men he knows or is talking about have only one: that the woman is attractive) beyond "does this guy bathe" and "does he have a pulse" shouldn't stop any particular man from finding particular women who like the qualities he has, unless he is a genuine jerk. The kid-lover who doesn't work for me is another women's perfect guy; the man who absolutely doesn't want kids would work fine for me, but that would probably be a turn-off for a lot of women. And so on.

    If there is some subset of guys out there who can't ever get laid because the minute they open their mouths EVERY woman they've ever talked to becomes turned off and runs, that sounds like a problem with those men, not with the women. Anon seems to think the problem is with us.

Most Active Letters Threads

740

The commendably missing element from Obama's speech

There was no pretense that human rights is our goal, or the likely outcome, in escalating the war
372

America's regression

It's almost impossible to find a nation with as many torture advocates as the U.S. has.
354

Do Obama officials know what his Afghanistan plan is?

What explains the completely contradictory statements from key aides on a central plank of the war strategy?
283

Palin: Birthers have "fair question" about Obama

Of Obama birth, the ex-governor says, "the public is still, rightfully, making it an issue" (Updated)
211

The poster boy for progressive self-delusion

Read Hayden's 2008 Obama endorsement to remember the way the left sold our centrist president to itself

View all »

Letters Help

Currently in Salon