- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
Okay, so this is a complicated issue. I had a MMF threesome in 1995 when I was 22. I was on drugs and was at a party with two guys I had the hots for, and things just sort of happened. Everyone consented. I was not a slut by any means, nor did I believe I was objectified any more than the two men were. I wouldn't do it again, but I don't regret it either. It was an experience I think fondly about at weak moments when I don't feel all that "do-able." It's not something I talk about. I only shared it with my husband right before we were married after getting paranoid about it. He didn't like the idea, never wanted to discuss it again after asking if he knew either of them (he didn't), and I saw firsthand how it makes a man feel to know about such an experimentation.
It hurts just as imagining your partner with anyone else hurts, except doubly, because (according to my husband) it also forces one to think about what other sexual things this person whom you thought you knew has tried. It makes one wonder if he/she will ever be good enough for the partner alone, since once a person has had 2 people at once, one-on-one sex certainly would seem like it could be perceived as less fulfilling, and a single partner could never measure up to that kind of attention. That's not true, of course, since there was no love factor, and love makes everything seem better and more heightened. But let's not forget that there is perfectly great sex going on that doesn't involve love or commitment. Some people seem to have forgotten that, or have attempted to disregard the fact that sometimes woman actually enjoy sex, enjoy being in a submissive position, and enjoy feeling like a desired object, even though she demands equal pay and rights. The bedroom is not the office. The bedroom should be a place where all parties agree on temporary positions and displays of power.
I don't know why she told the bf about it so soon into the relationship. And it seems like she's ashamed and perhaps SHE needs some therapy. You should never have to convince anyone you're in a relationship with, even for a minute, that you are a worthy non-slut. But the bf reacted like any other guy, albeit a more immature one.
But here's the kicker. When I fessed up about the threesome, my husband fessed up about getting a BJ from a prostitute when he was 19. And THAT made me sick to my stomach for a few days and I walked around thinking that was 10 times worse than what I did. I mean, what kind of a guy goes to a hooker? And I have to say, it still bothers me sometimes. Was it not supposed to? Do I need therapy? Maybe. Everyone has a pandora's box of sexual secrets; sometimes the secret is simply intolerance.
