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Sick of the Stupidity, thank you for eliciting it!
Ok, so, Anon, what you're talking about is a couple of things. First, there is the imbalance of power at the earliest stage of a relationship-- when two people don't know each other or barely know each other. I have said it before, and I'll say it again here: I agree with you that at this very earliest stage, attractive women have it easier than the men who ask them out. I think this is because men are typically the pursuers and women are typically the pursued, and thus at this early stage we are doing the choosing. But, remember, that this scenario was created by men-- it is a purely cultural construct that women don't ask men out more often than they do, so if you're unhappy with it, don't be mad at us. However, what you are failing to realize is that this is a temporary thing-- once the relationship has developed, it is an open question who has more power. This varies from one relationship to the next, and I don't think it falls so neatly along gender lines. If, as you've suggested, marriage benefits women but not men, then as the relationship progresses men actually have more power than women, because women want to get married and men don't paticularly.
Second, there is the fact that some (or many? I don't know) women expect men to buy them stuff. Now, frankly, this bugs me too. For me, the feminist movement is about equality, and it drives me nuts that some women are happy to take all of the benefits of the greater equality it has given us but are also perfectly happy to have some double standards remain in place. This is hypocritical. For me this means: a man is not expected to pay on dates. When I go out the bill is always split, or we alternate paying (if I know I'm going to see the guy again). I insist on this. Gift-giving is a two way street. And it extends to other double standards that bug me: I don't particularly care for the idea that a man should hold open a door for a woman, or help her out of the car-- because these things are vestiges of a time when women were treated as delicate creatures who needed to be taken care of, and we're not! I can open a door! I think general politeness should dictate that whoever is in the position to open the door should do so, and hold it for whomever else they happen to be with, regardless of gender.
So, yeah, I get what you're saying on this point, but here's the thing: unfortunately for you men, if you want this to change you're going to have to take some action yourselves. I don't like double standards and I don't allow myself to live by them, but I don't know if there are that many women who 1)have taken the time to think about why a man paying is sexist and not in our best interests and 2)are willing to actively change that dynamic. Seriously, in some cases I have had to have long conversations with men about why it is important to me that paying should be an equal thing, why I believe it's a feminist issue, etc. This can sometimes put a damper on the first date atmosphere. (or, the guy can respect and admire you for it, and those are the guys who are keepers). Just as women pushed back when they felt like they had had enough of being treated unfairly-- and did it at the risk on incuring wrath from men, so men have to do the same.
