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The maturity level here is amazingly low. Plenty of letters from the “if she’s had sex with anyone before me, she’s a slut” and the slightly more liberal “if she’s had more partners and/or kinkier sex than me, she’s a slut” crowd. Not to mention the “once a slut, always a slut” crowd, and the “I’m not getting laid enough, girls can get laid any time but they’re not screwing me, o woe!” emo-boys.
Nobody can go back in time and change what they’ve done in the past. If you cannot love and trust the person who’s in front of you now, you should not be in the relationship. LW’s boyfriend can’t change the past, only his attitude about it, and if he’d rather punish LW for something that can’t be changed than try to get past it, the relationship needs to end, and he needs to grow the hell up before getting involved again.
And as for everyone proclaiming on girls who do ‘things like that’ and what men can or cannot handle, and why, here’s a few relevant data points. I had a lot more sexual experience than my husband than we met, including a few mildly kinky experiences. He knows this, but has we have never discussed the details. What we did discuss were our feelings about fidelity and monogamy. The fact that he had less experience was irrelevant to his abilities as a lover, because he paid attention to what pleased me and was very invested in making sure we both had a great time in bed. And frankly, I’d been with enough men that I knew what I wanted, in bed and out, and when I met him, that was it. We have been married for nearly 20 years, have been completely faithful, and one or two of my exes are still among our mutual friends. Oh, and he thinks I’m sexy as hell—and he’s right.
But then, he’s a man, not an insecure little boy.
