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• Monday, December 18, 2006 01:08 PM

  LW, yay!

  I love it when the letter writers write letters back to us in the letters section!

  I realized that my letter, besides containing typos, forgot to mention that I ended up getting back with my boyfriend later. So, I think my story was a TAD incomplete, and didn't seem quite adequate.

  After three years of name calling, late night fights, and agonizing over my past, I broke it off. I was tired and bedraggled. I bought my own house and moved out. I dated other people for a few months, but my ex visited (joint custody of a cat was the primary reason - he cleans the litterbox). Anyhoo, we would occasionally end up in bed together. The fact was that, even though I started to date someone who was much better suited to me, in terms of personality, my ex and I had a special bond, a familiarity... something that I THINK the Japanese call an "en", although I'm not sure that that is the exact right term here. And YOWZA, is he ever good in bed.

  Although I had said that I probably wouldn't have another threesome, I ended up having one while we were apart. I didn't plan on telling the ex, but he eventually got it out of me (during some dirty talk). Anyway, after seven months of being broken up, we ended up back together. And although he's not thrilled with my additional threesome activity, he's not freaking out, either. I think his biggest gripe is that he'd really love to try something like that, and I've never had a threesome with someone that I loved deeply - that kind of thing is scary to me in a way that having casual sex with friends isn't.

  I'm not saying that things are going to work out for us in the long run, but I know that he is very committed to being a good boyfriend - he's talking marriage (I'm holding back, understandably). He actually HAS changed - I didn't think that people could - and is more attentive, helpful, thoughtful, and understanding (AND he's now a Democrat - so many positive changes). He realizes that my life away from him (before I met him and after we broke up) was not a reflection on him, and that I AM a catch that shouldn't be thrown back. He dated a few women when we were apart, and it finally dawned on him that there aren't that many women like me out there.

  So, my advice, modified, is for you to move out. Get your own place, get your own life, and again, don't apologize to him any longer. I understand that he genuinely feels pain, but that is for him to deal with. Tell him that you can see each other, but you're not going to put up with his shenanigans.

  I can tell that you are smart and confident enough to realize that your boyfriend should be happy to have you around. Never let that go. Be strong. If he realizes that you're worth it (as mine finally did), then he'll grow up. But don't pin any hopes on it.

  Oh, and I can't believe that anyone called you a slut. Serious? I don't even read anything besides the editor's choice letters these days, but WOW.

  —Zaynab Read Zaynab's other letters
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