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The guy is not nuts because he had a jealous and emotionally wrenching reaction to the threesome discovery (which he asked about, so obviously he feared it being true and just couldn't resist looking for that stain of wrong in her past). He IS nuts because he can't get over blaming her for something that is not blameworthy. She didn't cheat on him to have this threesome, she doesn't proclaim to be hankering after it and ruining her sex life with him. Rather, he is ruining their sex life (and relationship) by fixating on the threesome and the "dirty slut" image it has helped him conjure of her.
A big tip-off is that he won't go to couples therapy because he can't talk freely in front of her about the situation. It seems to me that 6 months after the revelation he can't discuss this without being judgmental and harsh towards her, and he doesn't want her to hear him unleash what he really says about it internally (or to the therapist). If he can't put it in terms of his own feelings and analyze it that way, then couples therapy won't work anyway. If the question is always "how do i get over the fact my gf is a terrible, dirty whore who did 2 other people at once?" rather than "how do i get over the fact that i've had a very strong and emotionally negative reaction to news about my gf's past, which doesn't match with what i consider to be right and which makes me judge her so harsly?", then there is no frigging hope. And if he wants a happy relationship he'll need to start asking these little test questions much earlier b/c many have done something that would probably fall on his list of wrongs. Spare him and them the trouble.
LW, don't let yourself be sucked into the place where you are apologizing to HIM for your past behavior -- apologize to the person you were then or are now if that conduct is something you are sorry you did or ashamed of or did under some internal coercion believing that it would make you "cool" or did it just to please the others, etc, -- these, for you personally, might be reasons to apologize to yourself. Other than that, you have nothing to be sorry for to yourself, and certainly nothing to be sorry for to him!
