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Read other letters about this article
First of all, I didn't quite read through all of the responses so I apologize if I fail to take into account any important points made in the last ten pages.
- I don't really know how LW's boyfriend has treated her during the past six months. A lot of you seem to feel you have an extremely good idea of how he has behaved. I'm not sure why. THE NIGHT SHE TOLD HIM about the threesome he "cried and felt sick." "He became [past tense so I am assuming this is still referring to the night in question, though it's possible it has continued ever since]so angry with me that he began [again past tense] to pick at me, and it seems like everything I do [present tense so apparently this is ongoing] is wrong." The only thing that is clearly still occuring six months after the fact is "we hardly have sex anymore." Based on this brief account from LW, most everyone has concluded that her BF has been constantly absuing her for six straight months by being cold to her, screaming at her, withholding sex, etc. when there is scant support for this in LW's letter. If this is the case, obviously no one should ever put up with that, the guy is evil, and any issues about her sexual past are secondary at best. Maybe it's just because he went to seven individual counseling sessions and then group counseling sessions with LW but I'm not necessarily convinced this is that case and find myself wondering if the guy is being demonized just because he's afflicted with some unfortunate hangups.
- I'd like to second what some others have said that it is absurd and unfair to compare LW's boyfriend to all men and then talk about a sexual double standard between men and women. If the guy has had a lot of casual sex himself than he's a hypocritical prick. However, from LW's comments I don't get the feeling that this is the case.
- There's an important distinction between values and morals. A lot of people approve of acts and lifestyles even though they would never choose to engage in those acts themselves. There's a major difference between believing that casual sex is wrong and having personal values that sex should be about love and intimacy.
- Having sex is a choice. Even if you're feeling hard up (no pun intended) you can always jerk off, it just requires self discipline. Also, sex is mostly harmless but it's not entirely harmless. If you have casual sex there's the risk that you'll get an STD (admittedly close to non-existant if you use protection), the risk the other person might get the wrong idea, or the risk you'll end up getting hurt yourself. If you're aware of the risks and choose to have some casual sex then all the more power to you. I think it's a huge oversimplification though to act as though someone who has reservations about casual sex is trying to deny people the right to breathe and repress women.
