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Boy am I glad Anonymous posted her "Happiness AFTER Freakout is possible!" letter.
What is with all you people that you can't fathom someone having irrational fears and then having trouble coming to terms with them in some nice neat rational way while you're checking the progress on a stopwatch? Yes, he's being immature, yes, he shouldn't dodge couple's therapy with her, but good Lord, the rest of you should also give this woman some credit for knowing that he is otherwise what she wants and that maybe they CAN work through this.
We don't know the age of the LW & BF, but given that their circle seems to be comprised of just BF's & GF's, and seems to be one where threesomes aren't all that unusual, I'd guess they're pretty young, almost surely in their 20's. Is it a big surprise to anyone out there over, say, 35, that young men are often immature and double-standard laden about the sexual history of their partners? Is it also a shock that some of them have trouble expressing this to their partners and coming to terms with it?
True, the LW's Ideal Man (tm) wouldn't have this issue and may indeed be just waiting in the wings for her, but I'd venture the odds are likely higher that this guy can still be turned around and they could have a better and deeper relationship over time for having gone through this now. Maybe she does need to DTMFA for him to get the message (or, yes, just be free of him if he doesn't), or maybe she just needs to make it clear that this is where it's headed if he doesn't deal with the difficult work of doing couple's therapy with her about it.
Yeah, yeah, he's had six months and gosh he is being something of a baby about it, and sure you could call his behavior manipulative too (or gosh, maybe he's actually genuinely freaked out and is also terribly unhappy about it but so far lacks the tools to correct it), but he has tried individual therapy twice (including with one therapist who sounds really bad), so it's not as if he's denying that it is HIS problem. He is in fact obviously quite clear it is HIS problem. So even if you do end up dumping him, help him with it already. Schedule another couples session, this time working with him on the scheduling and getting him to commit to at least two sessions, and give it one more loving shot.
And if that doesn't work, ok, DTMFA, but for godsakes don't go getting any cats yet if you still hope to find the Ideal Man (tm). If he likes cats, great, you can get them together. In the meantime though, I can't tell you the number of men who find women gushing about their deep love for their cats to be a complete turn-off.
