- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
I completely understand what you are saying. I am in the same exact position. My girlfriend and I recently ended a relationship because I became very distant when I found out about her past. And she lied about it to boot. It is a terrible, terrible, feeling, and I am not a teenager. We have recently started to work things out, but it was something I wish I never knew. There was drugs, drinking, and two threesomes. Obviously the drugs and drinking was fine. Hell I went to college and experienced the best times of my life, with women, and experimenting.
The terrible part is that I now do not look at her the same way. It is so bad. I am ashamed of that. I decided that I need to see a professional to help me understand why. To not look at her in that way.
My sexual past includes many one night stands, married women etc. And I have no right to look down at her. But if this guy can acknowledge that he has a serious problem, just not with her, but with himself, it's the first step.
Everyone processes info differently, and you cannot blame her or him for their reaction. We just react differently. He built this image of her, and now it has been tarnished, in his mind. He is upset at her because of the way he feels, and it is pretty bad that he is channeling that anger at her to make himself feel better.
I think the only think he has left, is to be man, help himself understand why he is like this, then find ways to improve as a person. I am doing this now, and I am hoping down the road, I can find a way to be a better man than I am right now. I will be the first to admit, it is not right.
There are some big jealousy, insecurity, and self esteem issues that can be addressed. Its not over yet, but it is getting close if he doesnt try to help himself.
