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I think you are right, prochoice mama, but I think in general men want inexperienced partners more than they want to have active and imaginative sex lives with their wives after marriage. There are enough men who say the Madonna-whore thing is hard-wired. What men think they want, and what they really want, are two different things. I submit that many of them do not even know what they want, until their beloved crosses the line in their minds from "Madonna" to "whore" and their feelings change. I have heard men who are intellectually tring to be enlightened about this type of thing say that once a particular woman changes in their minds to the "whore" category she can never change back. I have heard men say this is the reason not to have early sex with them. This may not be all men, but I think it is more than they even know themselves. I think their animal brains (or whatever you want to call it, evolutionary psychology, lizard brains, religion or whatever) take over even when intellectually they try to fight it. For this reason, I reluctantly side with those who say much of this is hard-wired. Therefore, NEVER TELL. EVER. Let 'em still be asking on your 80th birthday. And if someone tells some story from your past, deny, deny, deny. People fought duels over this. Guys know the rules. Once a guy claims you as his serious relationship, you become an automatic "Madonna" and anyone who tells tales is asking for a duel. I'm exaggerating and of course there are STD's to disclose about, but as far as that STD, you got it from your ONE serious relationship whom you met at a church garden party introduced by your grandmother and that cad jumped off a cliff a few months later out of remorse. Anyone can come up to your present guy and say you did so-and-so in college or at a party. It doesn't make it true. For years in the "old days" people would tell tales and it was the tale-teller who suffered the social opprobrium. Those were the rules in the old days. Therefore--deny, deny, deny. Guys do not want the truth. Call me a hypocrite but I'll be in line behind 90 percent of guys. P.S. Yes STD's must be disclosed. But you got it from a long-term serious relationship introduced at a church social, remember.
