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Wow, I haven't read all of the letters yet, but I loved reading Cary's advice on this one. It is bold, solid, simple and spectacular advice. Take it. (BTW Cary, what's up? You seem to be so assertive and to-the-point lately! I LOVE it!)
Anyway, the whole thing about only agreeing to go to the therapist once is a sure sign that you should get out. Actually, I think that's worse than his bad reaction to you having a threesome in your past. We've all overblown stuff and reacted badly to things we've had to deal with. But I think the real issue here is your boyfriend's refusal to go back into therapy to work on why he feels this way. Be glad that you did not marry and then realize that you're married to someone who reacts this way to problems.
A friend once said this to me when talking about a mutual friend of ours who had some issues and refused to go back to his therapist after two sessions: "That would be like me saying I'm not going back to the gym because after two workouts, I'm not a size 6 yet." Therapy is not a quick fix - and it can be very painful. Sorry to be so blunt here, but you simply do not mean enough to him to make him want to do the hard work so that the two of you can move on and have a healthy relationship. He wants to put this whole problem on you and have you shoulder the blame, and not take any responsibility for the way he's reacting. $100 says that he expected the therapist to validate his feelings and agree that you are the one who is in the wrong, and the problem is all yours. Once he realized that that's not what therapy is about, he bailed. That's a bad sign. I wish you luck.
JM
