If you're getting a PhD in the humanities or social sciences, don't go anywhere you have to pay. It's a self-selecting process. If you get funding from any given school, that's the school you attend.

Sure, applying for, say, ten programs can be super expensive ($400 - $600), but you can put that on a credit card. No need to do a fetish video! That sounds rather drastic.

Once you get into a program, you can take out loans or continue waiting tables to cover the remainder of your living expenses, if necessary.

Good luck!

To the LW: If you need to ask whether to do something, then it's a pretty good indication that you either don't want to, or know you shouldn't, do whatever it is. That being said, we all do things that we regret and manage to live down. And--here's a possible mentoring possibility. Read on.

I am amazed that not one person has mentioned the name of Lillian Faderman who stripped and cheesecaked her way through school to her doctorate. She then went on to teach English, become a dean at CSU Fresno, and pursued her own academic interests in women's studies before there even was such a thing. You can read about her here in Salon's review of her biography, Naked in the Promised Land:

http://dir.salon.com/story/books/review/2003/02/26/faderman/index.html

If you read the book, you can even see her old pictures! She has also written lots of other books and edited anthologies. Anyway, if you read Faderman's book, note her relentless honesty. I think that honesty is what got her through.

The hardest part for the LW is going to be to get into a good PhD program (this is the hard part for everyone), and succeeding in staying in. Once there, though, you have many opportunities for financing. Student loans are a godsend to PhD students. Even though I had a stipend and worked part-time throughout my entire PhD career (and sometimes full-time in the summer), I needed student loans to get by. This is especially true if you go into it with debt, or if your school doesn't offer summer funding or summer teaching to students. LW can use some of the student loan money to get out of credit card debt -- as student loan money is much better for APR, and you don't have to pay while still in school. This will help you get in a better situation -- and let's assume your house sells eventually. That, too, would help.

I agree with many here that getting into grad school and getting on that trajectory will make a shift in your life. If you are one of those people who want to graduate a PhD (that will take 5-8 years to complete) without any debt, then you are unrealistic since you are going into it with debt already (mortgage, car payment, credit card bills). If that's the case, then making good money on the side with hours that don't conflict with class and studying/writing might lead you to make choices like fetish videos or other such things. I would make sure you don't use your real name and that your face isn't shown or is as well-disguised as possible, if you are serious about pursuing that option (or stripping, etc). But if you don't mind the idea that you will go into more debt as a graduate student -- debt that will make life after PhD difficult but tenable as long as you find a position -- then I would put all my resources and time into getting into a good school that will lead to your goal of teaching. You'll end up a teacher with a lot of debt perhaps, but only you know if that's better than being a teacher with a past that embarrasses her (or him).

1. You have savings and you're contemplating going into the sex industry?

2. It's called a FAFSA. Chances are you have several years of Federal loan eligibility left to help finance your education.

3. State schools offer Ph.D.'s as well, and cost much less than private universities if you have established residency.

4. Many colleges and universities will at least partially finance a graduate degree obtained while working there.

5. One more time -- you have savings and you're contemplating going into the sex industry?

There’s something more basic and serious going on here. The truth is, despite all the urban myths about the super-smart, together woman who stripped to pay her way through college, sex work is generally done by people who are somewhat damaged and who become more so by engaging in sex work. Yes, I’ve actually known sex workers. Someone who claims she wants to be a teacher, but is okay selling her panties to strangers speaks loudly to me of the need for intense therapy. Besides, the social, paper, and video trail you seem determined to leave will guarantee that, even with a PhD, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Regardless of how unmarketable your degree is, there are employers out there who will be glad to hire you full-time if you are willing and competent. It might not fit your idea of what your job should be, but it will provide you with a 40-hour work week, benefits, and at least 20K a year. These days, even receptionists in all but the most economically challenged areas make that much. A lot of companies offer tuition reimbursement as part of their benefit package. You may have to dress more conservatively than you like, keep some of your opinions to yourself, cover your tattoos, or change your hair color. You may think it’s soul-killing work, but most work is and most of us find other ways to nourish our souls. You have a mortgage, indicating that you’re not financially inept, and you can give up the car payment, however reasonable, for public transportation, car-pooling, or a used POS with a reliable engine. Welcome to the world of grown-ups.

Unlike all the responses here expressing concern for the LW, my main concern is for the young people who would be exposed you as a teacher. If your personal goal is to become a teacher, do us all a favor and learn something worth passing on first, like some self-respect and a work ethic. There are too many unbalanced individuals teaching kids the wrong things already. They certainly don’t need to learn how to sell their underwear to strangers.