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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I read it right here on Salon, in the letters section, from a woman who had her photos taken for porn several years back. She did it for many different reasons which are irrelevant here. But later she regretted it. She wished she hadn't. However, those pictures are legally held by the porn provider, not by her. She can't take them back. She described getting "that look" from men sometimes, with the question "Don't I know you from somewhere?" and it made her want to curl up and die. Right there.
Think about that before you bare all for the $$. You can't ever go back. You don't own those images of yourself any more, someone else does, and he/she/they can do whatever they like with them. Forever.
Sell the house first and go to a studio apartment. Sell the dog. Mow lawns. Go see your local financial aid advisor. Get a TA position and live on Ramen noodles, but keep your self-respect.
How will you feel years down the road when one of your future students "recognizes" you?
Most PhD programs worth a damn will waive tuition and either provide students with a stipend or research assistantships, teaching assistanships, etc. That's how I got my PhD (never could have paid for it!), and that's how all of my academic friends did theirs. If you're looking at programs that want you to pay big $$ and will not provide ways for you to make a living, look elsewhere. In the sciences, it's absolutely standard that you will not pay tuition and you will receive stipend support for at least several years. It's tougher in the arts, but there is still finanical support at good institutions. Also, there are many government and private grant opportunities for PhD students in every area - no guarantee you get one, but it's certainly worth applying.
That said, grad students don't make much money with just stipends or assistantships, and it's no crime to get outside work if you can juggle it all. But like the previous poster mentioned, if you do adult videos, that's out there for the world to see forever - you'll have no control over that material. That might mean future employers and students will come across these videos, so it's really something to think about.
otherwise go for it if you want to. As for whether it is too disturbing to be worth it I can't really say. As a male I find myself unable to truly understand, on an emotional level, why being sexually desired can be so disturbing. I intellectually understand that the situations are different. Anyway, don't do it unless there is no chance anyone can find out.
Hello from "the gray zone" of sex work - it's not definitely prostitution, but it's not exactly not prostitution. When I was 23 to 26, I too beefed up a sucky salary (publishing) and graduate school skimping with some photo shoots here, some BDSM work and stripping there. Honestly, the sex work money was helpful - but I stopped doing it, for various reasons. My advice to you is:
If you want to teach, don't go near anything that will record an image of you. Period. Final. I never wanted to teach, or go into politics, or anything like that, so I didn't have this restriction.
All guys who do fetish videos promise that it will be a "regular thing" and hint at a solid income stream for you from it. This will not come to pass, unless you really apply yourself to this, as in moving to Southern California, starting up your own web site, etc. This is part of what fetish video guys promise you to get you to go on camera in the first place. There are women who coordinate careers in this, and they are your competition.
If you can't deal with just handing over your underwear to a guy without feeling afraid/uneasy, your intuition is telling you something, and that something might be: sex work/fetish work will not be good for the person that you are. I was OK with videos and fetish work, but being a stripper skeeved me out; all my erotic nerve endings switched off, even when I wasn't dancing. I did it until I had paid for having my wisdom teeth pulled, and then I quit doing that.
How will you feel if a friend or program colleague asks how you're funding the Ph.D and you don't feel good about saying "Actually, I made a foot fetish video!" If you can't be honest to them, the secret will undermine you.
Sex work may seem like easy money, but really, it's work - the time you get paid for is compounded by phone calls, "bringing some clothes", your makeup, and a whole lot of associated wierdness. Having my sex work money as extra money, not something I depended on, made it easy to leave a job or site if I thought the person was wierd or dangerous, which did happen.
Good luck with it all....
If this was 1970, I'd say go for it. I don't look at it as a moral issue. Back then you could sweep this kind of thing under the carpet and get on with your life. The Internet will let your fetish videos circulate for eternity, though. Do you really want this stuff floating around Google when you're 40, married with kids? It's not worth second guessing every look you get from guys for the next 20 years.
Just a clarification.
Not all fetish videos are pornography, as that term is usually defined. Google "video" "smoking fetish", for an example. Many of those seem to involve fully dressed smokers.
I mention this because the LW says the video would involve no nudity on her part.
That being said, I think Cary and the previous poster are right. LW, you really probably don't want to have people recognizing you in future years from "that video". And it could possibly hurt your career in academia. You don't want to miss out on plum teaching assignments because the administration thinks you might be a controversial choice.
Talk to the university of your choice about funding options. There's a lot of funding out there. Good luck with the PhD.
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