Letters to the Editor
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More Advice From the Divorce Lawyer
'Cuz in my profession we think we've seen it all. Some of us have.
LW, first take care of your marriage. Between the lines you seem lonely in part because part of what sustains us in marriage is lacking. The bond is on many levels, and you seem to be feeling that. Yes, marriage can thrive on your schedule. I heard a lady in the office cafeteria the other day telling a coworker she and her husband we about to celebrate their 35th anniversary. She said, "You know my secret? I worked days, he worked nights." It can work. So, make room for the romance in there somewhere. Surely there are some times when you can coordinate to have dates, for lack of a better term. There is NOTHING more important to a strong marriage, especially after children, than time away from jobs, kids, family members, to just enjoy one another's company and intimacy. This can go a long way to sustain you.
Next, Cary is right: do keep those connections up with those far away-- your family and old friends. New friends aren't easy. But still, at 30, you're not 60, you know? People will come and go. And it's true you may need to look beneath the veneer of landscaping and child-enrichment programs, but surely there are others in your community who would likewise like Adult Conversation and Friendship. At 30 you are on a cusp where many (if not most these days among the college educated) in your peer group remain single and "on the scene." This can make it challenging. But don't limit yourself, cultivate relationships with people across the age spectrum. Don't think necessarily of "making friends." Just meet and become familiar with those you cross paths with, and eventually this may lead to friendships- maybe not with those you've met, but others you encounter through their webs.
Don't think about moving back to NY. It won't be the solution, and, frankly, about the time you'd think you're safety replanted among your friends, they will themselves start marrying and moving to the suburbs. At least some of them.
Finally- learn to love, as much as you can, your solitude. Some day it may be a luxury. Write a novel- hey you got a letter published in Salon! It's a start! Read the novels no one else has time for. Find, do, embrace things.