I'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination but I think your mum sees tithing as a non-negotiable because she thinks that it is more of an investment than a donation. She probably feels like she's making an investment to save her soul from hell and that is more important than a mortgage. I think that she believes that if she continues making her tithes that God will take care of the rest since she is doing 'His' will. This would make no sense to people like you or me but perhaps she thinks that her paying tithes is somehow linked to her being able to find a way to keep her large house and live the way she'd like to.

If you do what Cary says and tell her that you and your husband need to save more for the future I can almost bet you that she'll say that God'll take of her (or something to that effect). If she doesn't say it she'll think it, and pray it, and hope for it before she ever sells. I'm sure she's a reasonable person but I find that reason tends to fall to the wayside when God and church are involved.

I really dislike Cary's advice here. I don't think being devious is cute, or helpful. It's manipulative. It's your mom's money. If she wants to give it to a church, it's her choice.

If she asked you "Can I have X to give as a tithe," you would have every right to refuse. But if what you give her goes to her mortgage, and the 10% comes out of another part of her income, that's her choice. You don't get to make a choice about how she uses her money.

However, there's another solution. You could talk to her. You could say, "Mom, I realize tithing is important to you, but at the percentage you give money away, you will lose your home. You must consider cutting back on what you give, because it's draining you, and we can't afford to help you out any more than we do now. When you make a higher salary, then maybe you can afford to go back to tithing 10%." This doesn't have to be a conversation about God, or heaven, or anything. It's just a conversation about the fact that she doesn't make enough to give 10% away.

Of course, she might reject that suggestion. It's her perogative. I don't think you should cut off the money because it won't force her into keeping 10% of what she still has. And a savings account...when she finally gets the savings, you know where 10% is headed. Personally, I think she's being taken for a ride by her church, but unless she's senile, it's her choice.

I, too have limited use personally for religion, however, religious beliefs and practices are not something that one can rationally discuss. You believe what you believe and that's that, until YOU feel the need to change your beliefs. That said...

Forget the tithing. Your mother is 60 years old, has (by your definition) a crappy not-high-paying sales job, and is in the house she's in now only because she was married at the time she and her husband bought it, based on his or his and her income.

SHE CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY THE MORTGAGE ON THAT HOUSE!! PERIOD.

I understand you anger about feeling taken advantage of because your mother allowed you to give her money which she then gives to her church, but even if she didn't tithe, you are feeling the pinch more because you have become homeowners yourselves and can now see what a bottomless well of expenses it can be.

It is very difficult for people to realize that they can no longer afford the lifestyle they may have had for years. You and your husband even discussed with her about downsizing her house to decrease her expenses, but apparently she is not facing reality. I say forget the tithing, and tell her you regret that because of your increased expenses you will not be able to help her financially as much. Give her a date beyond which you cannot subsidize her anymore, and DON'T TALK ABOUT THE TITHING!!

Hey folks. Just thought a Christian should chime in on the tithing issue. I tithe. Personally, I don't think I would tithe if it meant that someone else had to support me in any way. But that's not the point I'm here to make. What I DO want to do is point out that I do not, nor do most of the Christians I know, think of tithing as an insurance policy. Yuck. I'm not looking for an upgrade. That's pretty crass.

As a Christian, I feel that I've been given a gift. It's hard to sum that gift up, but the word grace comes close. Without grace, I'd be lost. (Don't stop reading here just cause I'm using some religious words). So it's a joy for me to give a fraction of my income in order to support work that helps others experience grace. Sometimes that grace gets passed on by paying the light bill at the church. Sometimes it gets passed on by buying a winter coat for a child.

In short, it's a blessing to me to be able to support the spreading of grace. It's also a blessing to be reminded with every single paycheck that money is just money and it really doesn't matter if my home isn't completely renovated to include granite countertops in my kitchen. It doesn't really matter if my Jeep is old and not in a hard core, cool, mountain-ready way. None of it matters. The grace that can abound in my life if I open my heart to the Lord is what matters.

If your mom appreciates the blessing that tithing affords her, I would question the value of taking that away from her. Having said that, I do believe that the Bible teaches us to live within our means. Your mom may be more open to down-sizing her home if you could assist her in getting some spiritual counsel on that. I hate to say this, cause he drives me batty, but Dave Ramsey might speak her language and help you both out of a tough situation. You may be an atheist, but it's pragmatic to communicate with someone using the vocabulary of his/her values.