This is Cary at his best, profering a deeply intelligent and humane answer to a humane and intelligent question. I have a sense that Shivering Scribbler will draw much comfort from that response, and it might indeed convince him to stay on and therefore end up changing his life. Theodore Zeldin wrote in 'An intimate history of humanity' that "Nobody forsaw the worldwide shortage of respect" and you could say that Encouragement* especially encouragement this sincere, is pretty thin on the ground too.

Others of us who are not journalists and don't have this exact same problem can also take heart from the profound wisdom inherent in 'I never had any luck in [insert your profession here] until I stopped trying to be a star and started trying to be useful to others'

*Encouragement (and courage) are from the french word 'Coeur' or heart, so to encourage, is to literally to 'give heart to'

The posters telling the LW that journalism isn't for him plainly don't know anything about it (even after reading CT's reply, which indicates to me that these posters are not cut our for journalism themselves--the ability to read background is kind of important). One kind of journalism is standing in the pack outside the courtroom, but there's many variations besides that.

I was a journalist for many years, and didn't do uncomfortable questions because I did technology how-to journalism, writing about the technology but not about quarterly results or anything like that, let alone about how the victim's family feels about the murderer being acquitted. Asking questions there is a matter of talking to the right person and letting your enthusiasm show through. Ask intelligent questions, and you'll get more data than you can absorb--and learn a lot in the process.

You're an inwardly-oriented person who doesn't get energized by interaction with other people like most people, but often finds it quite draining.

Don't apologize for your nature and feel like you have to correct it and become like more of the world like it's an affliction. It's just a different way of being; not better or worse; different.

Go to a good career counselor and s/he'll help you find a career that is compatible with your personality type. There are plenty of ways to exercise your curiosity and writing skills without having to work against your core being.

Librairian, researcher, analyst, appraiser, all require intellectual research, good writing, but are still more solitary work modes rather than highly interactive.

Okay I just made that term up, but I have faced many of the same demons you have ... actually, I could have literally written your letter. I know now that I feel most comfortable with a kind of participatory journalism where the source and I work together and explore a story together ... i.e. whether through video or radio documentary or through long form print features. It's still very difficult, just a different kind of difficult: you put everything on the table and hope that you can gain the trust of this person (or persons) so that they open up to you and lead you somewhere that reveals some universal truth about life, the human condition, their particular socio-economic class etc. Think "This American Life" versus the daily newspaper experience. It was hard to let go of this image of myself as a hard-nosed investigative reporter rooting out the injustices of the world through obnoxious in-your-face questioning -- like you, I could act the part, but inside I was hating it, and hating myself for hating it. But I let go of that expectation of myself finally (recently) once and for all ... and it was such a wonderful relief!

Good luck and you are right ... you need to stay in journalism in order to stay engaged in this world, this life. But follow your heart and the rest will sort itself out.

LW, I laughed a little while reading your letter because all j-school students go through this. I remember the first time a source screamed at me and literally had me thrown out of his office. I called my professor crying and his reaction was, "Congratulations. You're a real journalist now."

It gets easier. You may ultimately decide that journalism isn't for you, but it's too soon for you to make that decision. You're new to the field, you're feeling overwhelmed by the pressures and deadlines, learning skills on the fly. There will be a point where you cry--there's a point where every j-student cries. It's normal.

As it turned out, I wasn't suited to journalism long-term for other reasons: the hours, the pay, and the constant stress made it impossible to have a decent personal life. But I'm still using the skills I learned as a science writer for a non-profit, doing it 9-5 at a decent salary--and helping people to boot.

So stick it out. Learn as much as you can. Don't make any decisions until you graduate and have actually worked in the field in a couple of years. And if it turns out it's truly not for you, take your skills to another career where you can still help to change the world for the better.

My favorite experience as a reporter was back when I was at a community college, majoring in journalism and working at the college paper, and I asked the women's basketball coach for her comment on the fact that her entire team had been evicted from a local apartment complex for being loud and disturbing other residents.

I wish I had kept the tape recorder on, because it was the first time in my life I heard the "f" word used as every part of speech in the same sentence. She also did a lot of other screaming, dragged me to the newspaper adviser and cursed him out.

I was upset, but having served in the Marine Corps and being a postal worker at the time, I was used to far worse from people in authority over me, though I did demand an apology from the president of the college and the sports director, or I'd go to the local "real" newspaper. I got my apology, and after the coach was terminated for a shoe contract violation, I learned that the incident was in her personnel record.

Asking tough questions is something journalists have to do. I am pretty shy and sometimes uncomfortable, and I learned that early on, so I moved toward copy editing and have been very successful in that. I occasionally do stories for the paper I work for, just to keep in practice, and have found that the credentials are like a shield. I'm not shy when I'm wearing them, somehow.

Granted, copy editors (unless they work community or lifestyle sections) have to work bad hours, but I still find what I'm doing in journalism interesting. I think you should stick with it, maybe try working at a paper that does community news, or maybe even take courses in overcoming shyness.

That's my advice, from experience in the business.