Sorry, "anonymous," I very much disagree-- I am certainly NOT evil. Rather, like Good end Educated Girl, I'm a compulsive and over-the-top fanatic about protecting partners, and have only completely "not" told once. The other times it's been presented for discussion, as I mentioned. I've never been turned away from a potential partner. I was married 17 years. I have NEVER given this bug to anyone. Ever.

And like the other woman, I am educated with fewer than ten partners total my entire lifetime.

And please... "Evil" is a word that should be reserved for the Ted Bundy's, Jeffrey Dahmers or BTK killers of the world. Get a grip. It's people like you and your ignorant and paranoid attitudes that cause ordinary nice folks like me to feel the desire not to tell, especially when there is a "very small risk" (quoting the doctor) of transmitting it to partners, when the precautions we describe have been followed. And anonymous--how do you know YOU don't have "something" that has escaped the testing process? Even YOU, someone as pristine and pure as yourself, cannot ever be 100% sure.

I can say to everyone else, that over the years, the symptoms get almost non-existent, and I think that might be when most of the transmission happens unintentionally. Those people can almost forget they have it. But I say to everyone, you can never forget. You must always be diligent. Observe, protect and medicate.

People cannot know how this feels until they have walked in our shoes. I've been walking this path for decades and I know--this is a disease that is sometimes a nuisance but can be managed easily with medication. It lessens to an almost non-existent state over time. The WORST thing about it is the stigma.

Thanks to the doctor for the very informative answers to some excellent questions. Catherine.

While we're on the subject, this is only tangential to herpes, but I'm not sure how common this is among the more affluent set. A few years ago a couple of books came out about the goings-on among the affluent young high-school and college crowd. One was "Our Guys" by Bernard Lefkowitz, about a case where some affluent young high-schoolers got a mentally challenged girl in the basement (she thought for once she was getting invited to one of their 'parties') and you know the rest of that story. But earlier in the book there were also parties where naive girls who weren't of their social set were invited and videotaped doing sexual acts in the bedrooms. The girls didn't know they were being videotaped, nor did they know the boys were watching the tapes together making fun of them, getting them to perform the sexual acts for purposes of getting the videotapes, and the naive girls from the wrong side of the tracks didn't know the affluent girls knew the score and knew what was going on. I am not excusing the naive girls who went to the parties and got videotaped, thinking this was how you got a boyfriend. My point is that the affluent kids only intended to date for serious within their own set, they knew this all along, they told each other the score, and they knew if they treated someone of their own set in a degrading way the story would get around and they'd get a reputation within their own set. They didn't worry about getting a reputation among the parents of the less affluent wannabe girls. The less affluent, less savvy wannabe girls were invited to the parties in order to get them to perform sex acts and videotape them.

While telling about this book I have to say that at least two affluent boys stood up for the mentally challenged girl. I guess some of the kids drew the line at the bona fide mentally challenged girl but maybe not at the naive girls who didn't have the strength or knowledge or training to say "I'm not going upstairs with you I know what goes on" or "drop dead maggot" or whatever the savvy sassy affluent in the know girl would say. Maybe the affluent girls didn't have to say anything because their families were powerful and prominent and the boys knew they had better keep those girls in the off limits category, for real girlfriends, or they'd get a rep. Again, I am not excusing behavior that is degrading or naive, I'm just saying class plays a part and if your family is not prominent in a certain social set, you are in very much danger of being in the "just good for kicks" category, and this is not talked about so many naive "everyone's equal" people do not know it. They go off to college and get invited to a frat party and think it means their chance to mingle with the affluent and change their lives, but I submit that the affluent already know who's considered fair game among their set and it's those who pose no social threat if a story gets around.

I submit the same thing goes on in the adult world. I submit there's a class and status element to who gets put in the "just fucks" category because people intend to date for serious among the social set to which they belong or aspire. People don't talk about status much except in certain novels. Tom Wolfe is my favorite right-winger (hurl) because he says everything is about status--and I think he's right. I also think he should be a lefty based on that fact alone. Anyway I submit that most wealthy guys in professional jobs would put me in their "just fucks" category because they never intend to date a woman from my kind of family background for serious. It behooves me to know it. Herpes is one reason it behooves me to be aware.

I wonder in the French Revolution how many aristocrats got dragged to the guillotine based on using poor people's sister sexually, maybe that only happened in novels too.

All intentional not-telling-of-herpes isn't because someone was in the "just fucks" category. But I submit that class and status are used to place people in that category, having absolutely nothing to do with character. I submit people judge character by "does that person have that polished middle to upper middle class look and demeanor." This should be the source of a great rage and I believe in those who catch on, it is. I believe others misplace their rage onto gender issues because they do not see the class issues at play. I'm talkin' to you bright guy. Not about herpes of course--about what I think is the true source of your rage. There are more class and status issues at play in the US than people realize, and people judge others' character on things like how much power the person's family or origin wields. The U.S. isn't getting any more egalitarian these days--it's back to aristocracy and that means in sexual treatment too. Aspire to date the affluent if you are from a poor background, knock yourself out--but like Molly Ringwald in that movie don't forget to say "I didn't come here to get you off"