I have read the statistic before that 90% of people who have herpes don't know they have it (see the March 6 2007 letter below). I find the implications of this quite intriguing. It's true that what makes genital herpes so bad is really not the disease but the stigma. Sure the disease symptoms suck, but without the stigma, they would be no worse than a common cold sore on the mouth, which is also herpes but has no stigma attached: People do not feel they have to stop dating because they once got a cold sore, nor are they considered to be morally obligated to warn each new person they kiss ahead of time that they once had a cold sore and therefore may end up giving the other person an oral cold sore, which may result in the virus spreading through oral sex to someone else's genitals. If that 90% stat is true, then the unlucky ones are not the 20-25% of the population who HAVE genital herpes, but the 2-2.5% who KNOW they have herpes. Think hard before you run out and get tested for herpes: ignorance is bliss.

I have further thoughts on this question regarding my previous response "To Tell or Not to Tell." I'll start with some stats I recently read on herpes: 25% of American women have genital herpes; 20% of American men have genital herpes; 90% of these people with genital herpes do not know they have it. Further, 50-80% of Americans have oral herpes (commonly known as 'cold sores'); 20% of people with genital herpes have contracted it through the virus associated with oral herpes (presumably through oral sex). Further, I have heard that 80-90% of the adult population of the U.S. test positive for the genital warts virus. The bottom line is that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men have genital herpes, 5-8 out of 10 people have oral herpes, and 9 out of 10 people have the genital warts virus. Yet most of us walk around blissfully ignorant, even if we do have oral or genital herpes or/and warts. Most people seem to feel that people who are unlucky enough to KNOW they have genital herpes have a moral obligation to inform each potential new partner of this fact before having sex with them. And, as far as I can imagine, the absolute worst thing about knowing you have genital herpes is the idea of having to tell potential partners and risk getting rejected as a result. But what about all of us who have herpes or/and warts but don't know it? It seems unfair that the 2-2.5% of the population who are unlucky enough to know they have gential herpes are burdened with this moral obligation to tell, while all the happily ignorant folks with herpes have no obligation to tell. I think that, given the unknown prevalence of these STDs, everyone who chooses to have sex must recognize that you are doing so at your own risk. Chances are, your partner has no idea if they have herpes or not, and so you cannot rely on them to inform you if you are risking getting herpes from them; and you really cannot blame them if you do get it from them, because you are the one who chose to take the risk of getting an STD by having sex in the first place. Plus, even if you do find yourself with herpes symptoms shortly after you have sex with a particular person, it's not certain that you got it from that person; maybe you already had it but didn't know it, and this is the first time you've gotten or properly identified the symptoms; maybe you already had oral herpes (most of us do) and spread it to your own genitals through someone kissing you and then giving you oral sex, or even through touching your own mouth and then your own gentials; maybe your partner had oral herpes (again, most of us do) and spread it to you through oral sex. Same with genital warts; we basically all have the gential warts virus already if we're sexually active, so it's not possible to blame any one individual if we find ourselves with an actual identifiable genital wart; it could be we contracted it 10 years ago and only now have gotten identifiable symptoms. Everyone who chooses to have sex, with or without condoms, dental dams, etc., does so at their own risk. If you get an STD as a result, you must understand it was a risk you chose to take, and chances are first of all you never know for sure whom you got it from or when, and chances are whoever you got it from didn't know they had it. Those of you out there who feel that people unlucky enough to know they have genital herpes have a moral obligation to educate their partner, I would say: next time you are on a first date, make a point of educating your date *before you kiss them* that it's more than likely one or both of you have oral herpes, that by kissing each other you could spread it to each other, that it could then be spread to your own, each others' or someone else's genitals through oral sex; that one or both of you may have genital herpes and not know it, and that if you have sex there's always a possibility of one person unknowingly spreading it to another; that you both probably already have genital warts, so if one of you happens to identify a genital wart on yourself after you have sex, you cannot necessarily trace it to the person you most recently had sex with. If there is a moral obligation to educate potential partners about genital herpes, the burden should not be so much on the small percentage who happen to know they have it; the burden is on everyone who wants to kiss another person on the lips to educate them that kissing anyone can lead to genital herpes, etc. If more people could truly understand how incredibly widespread herpes is, and how we are all at risk (and may already have herpes) whether we know it or not, maybe the stigma suffered by the few who know they have it would be lessened.