I can't imagine why someone wouldn't tell...

... I mean, just look how kind and empathetic the uninfected are to those who have it. There's a whole range of enlightened responses from "I hate you people" to "We should put you all on an island somewhere until you're dead."

I won't say whether I have it or not, as writers are clearly being categorized by that fact into two stark columns: the sexually pristine and morally superior uninfected and the not-to-be-trusted, lying-to-us-and-themselves, leprous carriers. I will say that it's interesting that for this particular malady, those who have the most potential knowledge to share (i.e., those who have had it for a large portion of their lives) are being automatically discounted as untrustworthy.

AMEN. And I'm not telling, but I promise you, I know more than you do who don't have it, and I promise that I will never put you at risk. I know the risks - and I'll never subject you to them. Short of telling you, that is. Because I'm not telling; you people on this board have solidified my choice as sound. And that's the best you're going to get out of me.

Casual Sex= Selfishness.

Casual Sex With Partners Who Aren't Informed That You Have Herpes= Extreme Selfishness That Could Be Labeled Sociopathic.

It never ceases to amaze me what rationalizations some people will use to allow them to continue behavior that is potentially harmful to others...

If you are interested in a person enough to have casual sex with them, tell them the truth. Chances are they have it too if they indulge in casual sex. If not, there are plenty of infected potential partners out there. Just move on...

If you are interested in a person enough to begin a relationship with them, tell them the truth. You will probably find a way to make it work... if not, then there wasn't much hope to begin with...

If you cannot muster-up sufficient personal responsibility to do either option, then kindly keep your herpes to yourself. Anything else is being selfish:

1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

And we certainly have more than enough of that going around, don't we?

Don't tell? Are you all fucking kidding me???? All you fuckers who don't tell, and somehow you've justified that it's ok not to tell - if you give the virus to someone you should go to jail. How dare you? It's NEVER ok NOT to tell. EVER. You sons of bitches. Just because you want to get laid SO bad you would risk giving another person herpes??? There is no justification for not telling. NONE. Too bad if you don't get to fuck. I bet you wished the person who gave it to you told you before you fucked and gave you the opportunity to make a choice. You don't deserve to get laid, but the other person deserves that choice...EVERY TIME.

Those of you who don't tell are low-life bastards - I hope the person you didn't have the balls and character to tell, the person you infect, I hope they beat the shit out of you. I hope the next person you fuck and don't bother to tell has an even worse disease to give you - and they didn't tell you either before you fucked.

J

I think it's time for an editor to step and in moderate this forum. The poster below obviously has some rage issues--this language is not appropriate for an intelligent discussion about a difficult subject.

that anyone would have to ask this question. No wonder we're in the shit.

My current boyfriend has Herpes. He gave me "the talk" when it became apparent that things were leading toward sex. I went through a lot of reactions but one of the stronger ones was respect and affection for him in his honesty. Watching him do the right (and difficult) thing made him more attractive to me. I figured if he was a good enough man to protect me in this, I'd be able to count on him in other ways too.

Of course, I liked him before all that. There are certain things that seem like defects to our eyes but probably act most like an effective filter: anyone who doesn't get past the filter probably isn't right for us anyway.

I would consider telling all the partners you'd consider having sex with -- for them of course, but also for you. The more character you show, the better chance you have of attracting somebody you can respect too.

There is a lot of misinformation and incomplete information in the letters submitted.

Even by saying that herpes is not a stigma, you are making it into a stigma. Let me drop a Little Medical Knowledge into the conversation:

Herpes genitalis is the second most common STD in the US. Near 25% of men and a somewhat lower percentage of women have clinical symptoms of infection.

The true prevalence of infection is likely to be much higher among sexually active humans there are unknown numbers of asymptomatic carriers, which shed the virus intermittently. The virus can be detected by PCR if you catch them during this episodes of asymptomatic shedding. Perhaps the true prevalence of infection approachesthat of HSV-1: 80 to 90%

While Herpes can be severely painful and have systemic complications, the overwhelming majority of the individuals with infection have one or a few episodes that become less and less severe and frequent, even without treatment. Herpes can become a more intractable problem in immunosuppressed patients from AIDS or transplant therapy.

Despite the very high numbers of females with Genital Herpes, child complications from neonatal herpes are quite rare.

There are a lot of the horror stories circulating about Genital Herpes, which are probably true, but the fact that they are told repeatedly and become urban legends is because they are exceptional. The overwhelming majority of HSV-2 infections are asymptomatic, mild or moderate.

On the other hand, the prejudice and ignorance around the issue turned HSV-2 into the Leprosy of the 20th century,

The wrath of God for Sins of the flesh and all that non-sense.

So my answer to the original question is: Yes, if I had Herpes I would tell my partners. If they leave me for that reason, much better. The last thing I need is an ignorant, prejudiced asshole by my side. . .

FJ Gomez MD

Infectious Diseases Specialist.