"I didn't always tell. That's partly because I now truly don't believe it is as "contagious" as it has been made out to be. "

Really?

Then how did you catch it?

Anonymous asks: How did Catherine get it??

Very stupidly!! I was naive.. and had sex with a guy who told me that the "sore" was due to where he caught himself in his zipper!! It was very obvious and clear as day, and I had sex with him anyway. Soooo dumb, and of course I wish I could take it. Be ye not so stupid.

Catherine

Again with the incorrect hysteria!

They DO let women with herpes have children "naturally". They don't let you have children "naturally" if you are in the middle of an outbreak or if you are having your very first primary outbreak.

I appreciate that you're completely misinformed because you've never had to deal with anyone (that you know of) with herpes, but you're really out of line with the crazy judgmental attitude and outdated "medical" information.

What's so natural about episiotomies, I'll never know.

Oh, but I have dealt with potential partners that had it - I just chose not to have sex with them. Not, as I said before, because of the disease, which I did thoroughly research, but because of the cavalier attitude they took. I have friends with herpes. I have friends who have dated people with herpes and remain, to the best of their knowledge, uninfected. I know, based on the anecdotal research I have done with said friends (and also with some strangers), that there's an acceptance curve for anyone who gets it. On the primary diagnosis, it's a total flip out situation. And, in my opinion, rightly so - it's a lifelong disease with potentially nasty symptoms and a healthy dose of social stigma attached. But it's easy for someone who has coped with herpes for a long period of time to become blase about having it, as outbreaks become fewer and fewer in occurrence and severity, and as drugs to control the outbreaks roll onto the scene. Which leads some - and I don't lump everyone with herpes in this category - to be blase about the potential of passing it on to others. And that is where I get animated on the topic. Anyone who has herpes should remeber how they felt when they first learned they had it. That's how someone else is going to feel if you don't tell them and pass it along to them. They should remember their first outbreaks, what those symptoms were, and how it felt, because that's how someone else is going to feel if you don't tell them and pass it along to them. "Hysterical" or not, the scenario I painted is possible. I reiterate my question: how could any human being be comfortable being a part of that equation - or any other equation in which an unwitting partner is infected with this disease. I laugh when I hear people with herpes say that it's not so bad, it's really just a minor inconvenience, blah blah blah. If they could live your life without it, they would in a heartbeat. At least give people who might otherwise be willing to have sex with you the courtesy of the option.

Probably not in your profile. But before you get into a situation where someone else might be at risk of contracting the disease, you have to tell them.

My best friend was given herpes by a partner who knew that she had it but didn't tell him. Now he has to negotiate that with his fiancee and with the people he was involved with in between. What a rotten deal -- he may have chosen to sleep with this ex anyway, but he wasn't allowed to make the choice for himself because she withheld information. Not cool.

I was just wondering if any of Salon's readers know whether or not herpes in humans is a form of rabies?

The reason I ask is because rabies in apes is called simian herpes.

The rabies virus and simian herpesvirus are not the same thing, but both, like any number of other viruses, cause fatal encephalomyelitis.

I was struck by this statement by one commenters:

"Because I am conscious of this virus and I take the necessary precautions. What good would it serve in telling you? The fact that you could look at me differently, make judgments, and still walk away uninfected. You would do that anyway, based upon the measures I've taken."

I think s/he is missing the point. It's not about infection/not-infection. It's about trust. It's about respect. Ironically, the same respect that s/he fears not receiving from others who perhaps, have stigmatized him/her in the past.

There are other ways to address stigmatization in society than deciding not to share something that s/he knows a partner would like to know. You withhold information from children to protect them. Not adults.

This question is what matters: How does my partner define respect?

If their answer is: Respect is about being honest and letting me make an autonomous and informed decision - well then telling is what I have to do - the probabillity of infection has nothing to do with it. If I prefer to date vegetarians and you eat meat and you know this is an issue for me, you need to tell me out of respect for me.

Do we all at least agree that each of us has the right to make an informed decision? And that each of us deserve to be respected?

>>>>>I'd bet that if you gave anyone living with a STD the chance to do it all over again, they would go back in time and not have sex with the person who gave it to them.<<<<<

wrong. laughably wrong.

the person who gave me herpes acted very, very irresponsibly. but all these years later (more than 30 years), i wouldn't have missed that sexual relationship for anything. and though i lost contact with him, he will always be a very special part of my life.

sure, it is no fun contracting this illness. i nearly had to be hospitalized during my primary outbreak, it was so severe, and also lost a pregnancy because of it. there are real, long-term consequences of having it.

chicken pox can also be very severe in adults, as can shingles. the flu can kill people. so can hepatitis.

the world is a dangerous place. seen within the larger context of life, herpes is not a big deal. subsequent outbreaks, for most people, are either relatively minor or non-existent. after they came out with acyclovir, it ceased to affect my life much at all. my husband is on daily acyclovir and has very rare outbreaks. i don't think i've had one since the 1980s, even though i have sex with a man all the time who has it, without protection.

it's an inconvenience, and an annoyance. and the initial outbreak is very unpleasant, but so are many other illnesses that you catch from people you are close to. and they don't carry the same stigma.

you can tremble in your little corner and amputate your lives, those of you who are so terrified of getting it, and miss out on some great people and some great sex, or you can accept that life has some inherent risks, and take the bad with the good.

the idea that you can protect yourself is an illusion, anyway. people lie. people have it and don't know it. people tell you and then aren't as careful as they think they are. or they are very careful and it isn't good enough. shiit happens.

unless you are married, you should protect yourself in all sexual situations with condoms, no matter what your partner's purported health status is. that is just basic.

Are there really people out there having unprotected sex because they think their partner will disclose their medical history? Get real!!! People don't tell their partners and the reason is obvious. Who is going to choose to have sex with someone with an STD even if they are really horny?