So this is a direct reply, and an elaboration about my test...

So there are test to see if you have the anti-bodies to HSV. It is a blood test. In my case, my Wife discovered she had genital herpes (HSV-2) when she had an outbreak. They did a culture of the actual sore which showed in a lab test to be HSV-2.

So I, being asymptomatic and a bit freeked out had a blood test for the antibodies. I wanted to know if I had given her the HSV-2 and was basicly asymptomatic all my infected life. The blood test shows if you have antibodies for both HSV-1 and 2. My test came back negative for HSV-2, but positive for HSV-1 (oral herpes/cold sores).

It is common for people to have HSV-1, most contract this as a child from being kissed by too many relatives. I have never had a memorable out break of HSV-1. The longer you have either virus, the more antibodies you aquire and the less likely you have an out break. This is the same for HSV-2. People who have had genital herpes since the 70's for instance often do not have outbreaks any longer.

And just to clarify a very important point... you can contract herpes even when there are no symptoms present. It happens durring what is called asymptomatic shedding, and both men and women shed the virus before an outbreak, durring and after. Also, you can shed the virus at regular intervals with out even having a noticable outbreak. So this explains why so many people have this condition and do not notice.

Here's a newsflash - you can get tested for ANYTHING. Just ask your doctor and, if insurance won't cover it, be willing to pay for it yourself. I treat STDs like I do the IRS - I only worry about the last three years. If all my tests come back negative, and I've only had one partner for the last three years, and he's clean and I'm clean, then I'm "clean".

Since when is personal responsibility something to be sneered at? We'd have a lot fewer forums like this one...

I was going to ask that same question too. As far as I know, when I get my annual ob/gyn, they don't test for HSV, HPV, chlamydia, or any other STD that I know of. If you want these test during your ob/gyn appointment do you have to ask for them especially or do they test routinely? Is it a blood test or what? My OB/GYN tests my urine but not my blood. I know someone whose boyfriend cheated and she went to the OB/GYN and said "I want to be tested for everything in the book." That is one reason I thought you had to ask especially (apart from your normal exam) to be tested for STD's. Do we call b.s. on chillfries? because I don't think they test for HSV during a once-a-year OB/GYN appointment, and now people are saying there is no test for HSV except antibodies and that could be Type 1. Anyway, is there a test for HPV when you don't have any symptoms? Someone sounded like there was.

Yes, there is. And despite some of the religous right wing groups out there trying to block this as part of a normal exam for young women, there is a HPV test that all women should have, and a vaccine as well. HPV as been found to cause certain types of cervical cancer. It is a very very common virus, with very very few symptoms. If you have a daughter about to be sexually active, or active already, you should look into this vaccine and test.

I've mostly been a fan of Cary's column, but this "advice" about herpes is an utter joke. I'm a 47-year-old female and I've had this condition for more than 20 years. I've been in three camps. The tell-all, didn't tell and almost tell. At first I was determined to tell everyone, and not do to someone else which was done to me. Then I realized what a libido killer it is, and how unfairly stigmatizing it is. So, honestly? I didn't always tell. That's partly because I now truly don't believe it is as "contagious" as it has been made out to be. And it CAN be managed with medication and diet. And caution. Plus you should be using condoms anyway, so the point is really moot. Use condoms and Valtrex and don't have sex if you think you've got symptoms, however slight. And it will be 99.9% impossible to pass it on. Period.

The old stigma attached to this STD should be retired. Now. It should NOT be called an incurable disease any longer. With the advent of Valtrex, in my experience, the passing on of this STD has been entirely manageable, and yes, even 100% avoidable. I've never passed it to anyone, because I've been uber, ultra careful and recognize the "pre-symptoms" long before they ever make an appearance. (Those of you with this condition know exactly what I'm talking about.) I never even think of having sex while that's present. And I take my Valtrex.

As for Cary's column, I didn't even read past Cary's "Are you interested in having sex with me?" part to the inane, patronizing and insulting spelling bee. Ridiculous. Give me a break.

I think a lot of what's called "infection by asymptomatic shedding" is not the case at all but is really a very mild outbreak... by people whose symptoms have become so light, they don't even recognize they are actually having an outbreak. If it were so easy to pass it on by asymptomatic shedding, then everyone who's sexually active, not just 1 in 4, would have it, right? I'm convinced it's a lot harder to get it than that.

To state the words "I have herpes," to a potential partner in a big dramatic way is not only mortifying and unnecessary, but actually is inaccurate most of the time. Why? Because the outbreaks are soooo intermittent, especially if you have have had it 10, 15, 20 years. You do not ALWAYS have symptoms, so why should you have to tell someone "I HAVE HERPES!" I found the reaction is such that you might as well have just said, "I HAVE BUBONIC PLAGUE!" No. Not the way to handle it.

Here's what I believe: You don't have herpes always present, you have the symptoms of it every now and then.

For example, if you had the flu and sore throat two months ago, are you obligated to tell the world "I HAVE the flu and sore throat!!" As though you are showing these symptoms right now or all the time? No, because the symptoms of that virus are gone, not there. Past tense. Nada. Not everyone will agree...but that's my personal view. It's not something that is present or contagious all the time.

I sound like I represent the drug company, but Valtrex is the only medication out there that's been PROVEN in clinical trials to slow or stop the transmission of this virus between partners. If you take 500mg every day, you'll reduce or eliminate your incidents substantially. If you are planning to have sex, up the dose to 1000 or 1500. It WORKS. You can also manage to avoid incidents by diet. Nutrition advice about this is out there on the Internet. (Eat lots of tomatoes!)

So..what to do about telling or not telling. If you are going to tell, the time for that talk should be when you are getting to know someone and finally getting to the "disclosure" stage...that talk everyone should have anyway about their HIV status. With my current partner, I told him that I might have HSV-2 since I was exposed to it through a previous BF. My current BF was a pre-med student and his response was that it is almost "impossible" to transmit it without an open infection, so he wasn't worried. Another previous BF & I had the "disclosure" talk, and I told him, in all honesty, the only STD I had been clinically tested for and knew I did not have was HIV. As for the others, I did not know (HPV? I really do not know) Did he really know what he had? No--so let's use condoms to be safe. It worked out.

OK--so it's "almost" honest, but this is how I've done it. And maybe I've been lucky. But I also have to credit Valtrex. And my own caution in watching myself for symptoms. Doubtless if had I told the whole truth to my BFs, I'm sure I would have missed out on some fabulous sex and great relationships--just because of the overblown paranoia and stigma. Go ahead, blast me. But I am well-informed, experienced and on medication. And I've never given it to anyone.

It's simply not as "highly contagious" as these researchers always state, in my view. Having lived with it (mostly without it) for 20 years, I think I'm quite the expert. Especially now with Valtrex and Famvir on our side. However, one downside is that these drugs are pretty expensive.

The drug companies should get on the stick and realize that there are a lot of affluent people out there willing to pay almost any price for a vaccine or meds that will eliminate HSV once and for all. Until then, HSV-2 should NOT have the stigma, that HIV has. It's not a death sentence. It's just a nuisance mostly, that's it.

And Cary--a few wet noodle lashes for dispensing misleading information and socially "stupid" advice. A little research on your part and you could have said the right thing to this reader.