No Name Given wrote (sorry I don't know how to do italics):

{On the one hand, you say not telling someone is amoral and immoral. Therefore, if I hypothetically want to be with you (GOD ONLY KNOWS WHY), the right thing to do would be to tell you.

Except then you say that IF someone told you, you would tell them to get lost.

So. If there is any karma and justice in the world, you will meet someone one day who grows to love and adore you and you will feel the same. And they would tell you. And then you would reject her cruelly and unkindly for being honest and straightforward. And then you would spend the rest of your pathetic days miserable and alone longing for something you will never have.}

You're completely off the mark, No Name Given. He will never pine for and regret his treatment of any stupid woman. Since (from what he writes) this person's dealings with women are completely superficial, pure transaction, lacking in any warmth, perceived loyalty or any emotional complexity whatsoever, and seemingly based entirely on financially-based (from woman's point of view) quid pro quo, what is much more likely to happen is that the woman doesn't tell him anything and he gets his nice little STD. That I could definitely picture.

...for those of us who have had it decades and have never transmitted it to long-term partners--can we consider ourselves relatively "safe" from shedding? Especially if we take valtrex or famvir and never have sex when even a hint of a tingle is there?

Can he clarify if there is really such a thing as asymptomatic shedding, or is this overstated and unproven? I've heard from several doctors that it's next to impossible to transmit this malady if there is not a visible open sore. That would mean that asymptomatic shedding is largely a myth. And if it truly is possible, then why do many of us long-term carriers seem to NOT transmit it? I'd be interested in a real medical opinion.I think I will listen to the doctors before I listen to the ranting hate-mongers who've been posting here.

And especially those reading Salon this weekend.

I quote:

"Chances are they have it too if they indulge in casual sex. If not, there are plenty of infected potential partners out there. Just move on..."

My favorite:

"Those of you who don't tell are low-life bastards - I hope the person you didn't have the balls and character to tell, the person you infect, I hope they beat the shit out of you. I hope the next person you fuck and don't bother to tell has an even worse disease to give you - and they didn't tell you either before you fucked."

Wow. Those of you who are shocked that people like me don't tell? I'm just as shocked that some of you have stigmatized us, as faceless strangers, and banished us to the likened ranks of child molesters and genocide perpetrators.

Why don't I tell? I will tell you why I don't tell. I had one outbreak, three years ago. I take suppressives, every day (acyclovir), and a higher dose when I know I'm going to have sex. None of my partners are "casual," in the fact that I've had sex with the same partner, over and over again, before moving on to the next partner. Meaning I am generally monogamous with one partner, when I am having sex. I have HSV-1 genitally, which is the same virus that causes cold sores on your mouth, and not HSV-2, which is typically what causes sores on your genitals. I use condoms every single time I have sex - no questions. If I have any inklings of a symptom (which haven't happened since the first six months), I do not engage in sex.

Why else haven't I told? I am scared. I am scared of the one I love - who I am reuniting with after an extended break-up - rejecting me. I am afraid that it will stunt the reunion process. We are moving so slowly emotionally, and I'm afraid that this will throw a wrench in the process. You see, I contracted HSV-1 after him; now that we've gotten back together and picked up where we left off physically, I'm in a bind. I'm so afraid that this will make him see me in another light. I am petrified. Trust me, I am not out to hurt him - it is the last thing I want to do. I am just so utterly terrified. I am. But I know I need to tell him. But now, after we've engaged in sexual intercourse many, many times, I am afraid there's no going back to fix it. So, I protect him by arming myself with knowledge, good health, and medication.

I'm a good girl, I'm well-educated, I haven't slept with a lot of people. I do have a conscience. I got HSV-1 from someone who knew he got cold sores, but didn't know that they could be transmitted from his mouth to my vagina. So there you have it. Now I have cold sores, but I am obligated to divulge this information to everyone and their brother (if that's who I'm sleeping with) because of their location. Somehow, I can't bring myself to do it. It's not a "justification," because I simply have your cold sores - which you never tell anyone about - on my vagina. Where they are much less likely to be transmitted to your genitals than if you kiss your grandma when she has a cold sore. So, why me? Why the double standard? Why the stigma? Why the scarlet letter?

No "divine right" here. Just a girl in love with an inactive virus that most of you have on your mouth, or at least in your bloodstream. And a much better idea of how to control it and prevent its spread than you know what to do with your oral herpes.

at these letters. STD. if you have one, you let the partner know beforehand. always, totally, nothing about your own personal precautions. if partner is too ignorant to ask or afraid to ask if you have an STD, then ball is in your court to inform.

YOU DO NOT HAVE A DIVINE RIGHT TO SEX AND TO RISK SPREADING DISEASE! SEX INVOLVES OTHER PEOPLE!!!! IF YOU HAVE A COMMUNICABLE DISEASE, YOU NEED TO INFORM POTENTIAL PARTNER!!!!

YOU do not determine what the other person's risk is!