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• Tuesday, November 21, 2006 07:32 PM

  Do tell

  "Is it fair of me to ask someone to accept getting this (assuming it turns out they do not have it without realizing it) by becoming involved with me?"

  Um.... huh? It is not a given that your sexual partner will get herpes if you have it. A condom is an effective means of protection. I went out with a very compelling man for two years who had herpes and these many years later I remain herpes-free.

  His method for telling me was quite simple. He waited until we were in bed, already kissing, already touching. He said, Listen, before we go any further there's something I have to tell you. After I received the news, my response was, Ok, what does that mean exactly? He certainly knew I wanted to fuck him. So what herpes meant was we always used condoms and he turned down blow jobs.

  He was quite responsible about always using a condom and actually had a way of making the whole putting-on-the-condom part of sex quite sexy, tearing the condom wrapper with his teeth and a growl, admiring his hard-on while he rolled on the condom. Sure, it's a pause, but the pause of anticipation can be kind of delicious.

  I know I always appreciated him being up front about his herpes from the start. Perhaps some would disagree about his timing, but by that point I already found him extremely attractive as a person (frankly, it was his brain that I found most appealing) so the herpes did not matter to me. Enough of my friends have it that I wouldn't think badly of a person for having it. My guess is most of America is similar.

  Yes, LW, you do need to tell all your partners, but I would suggest telling them when the attraction between you is clearly evident.

  —Anonymous
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