When I was 16, I became paranoid that I would be raped. I could not even put my feet under a desk because I was afraid that there was something down there to drag me down. This happened after my house was burglarized twice by my neighbors, who happened to be a family of policemen. (The kids were playing with the thing stolen from me.) Our family, an immigrant family with no real language skills or social resources, just tried to ignore it. But, I became afraid of all Pacific islander men after that for a period. I was living in Truk and was a minority there. After a while, after I felt more able and strong, I saw that this fear was based on my fear of lack of control in an alien environment. Was I a racist?

The question itself to me seems misdirected. A better question was, why did I develop such an irrational fear? We seem quite happy to label others as "bad" or "racist" as a way of closing down discussions rather than opening it up. It is the same way that people say that you are a "liberal" or a "whore," a move to strip you of your humanity and present you as only a less-than-worthy person. This LW understands that her fears are unfounded: she says as much. She is troubled by it and she writes Cary, because her fear overcomes her, and she needs advice on how to overcome her irrational fears. Her (racists) fears are located in ignorance. What Cary suggests is that she get more information to dispel those fears. In the process, she will divest herself racism as well, because she will find out that her fear of Muslim men are unfounded.

When cases are clear, it is clear, like the deductive stereotype of "all black men are violent." But what about the idea that because of our racist society, African-American men have less access to institutions that lead to productive lives. One consequence is that higher incarceration rate for African-American males than the general population. The former statement is racist. The latter, a fact, albeit a fact borne out the myriad of factors, some racist. I think that simple reactions of crying racism deprives us of real opportunities to discuss real problems. Look, there is a real problem in the Middle East, and everyone has had some role to play in creating this mess. I think that we are racists in the US and that in many parts of the Middle East, there exists a whole lot of racism too. No one gets off sweet and easy.

... then you are at greater risk of sexual assault by someone you know, than someone you don't know or just met. I cannot find my reference, but I am under the clear impression that, even after adulthood, "friends" still perpetrate the most assaults.

That's actually meant to be reassuring. I hope you read it as such.

The point about a self-defense course is a very good one. Many women I know are afraid to be out in parks or the city at night, when it's at its most beautiful, and I consider that kind of sad.

Be safe.

I recommend that this young woman go to her university's mental health center to find out what counseling options are available to help her deal with the anxiety that she's facing. While she doesn't sound like she has true paranoia at this point, it would be a good idea to get evaluated by a mental health professional, as many mental illnesses (be it anxiety, depression, or paranoid schizophrenia) have their onset in one's late teens & early 20's.

In a place where rape stats are climbing, Cary is right -- the writer needs to take self defense. She will hopefully be able to ward off attackers from that knowledge, and will certainly be more self confident when walking alone at night.

But I think the writer's problems extend further than a fear of rape and Muslim men. Her fears seem to have risen to the point where they are controlling her life -- to the point of a real anxiety disorder. She's changing her lifesyle to satiate her fear, and though she hasn't said as much, I wouldn't be surprised if, when walking in the dark and imagining the men lurking behind corners, she experiences panic attacks. Writer, are you convinced they are right behind you? Does your breath get short, and you feel dizzy? Begin to sweat?

If fear has taken over her life, never leaves her mind, doesn't allow her out past 11:30 -- she has anxiety.

It's probably situational anxiety. She's just moved to the big city (and therefore is away from family and friends). Rape stats are up, and men's comments have made her uncomfortable. From the other letters posted, it seems like fear of certain races of people are driven by the media or government. Who can blame her for being afraid? Us Americans have allowed fear to control our elections, governments and lives for the past 5 years. We're only now starting to get over it.

The writer needs to take self-defense and be ready if an attacker ever does strike; but it is just as important that she start seeing a psychiatrist and practicing meditation to get her life back to normal. ASAP. When you have anxiety, you are convinced the worst possible things will happen to you; therapy will help her control her paranoia and put her fears into better perspective. Her judge of danger risks will be more stable because of therapy. And her life will be 100% happier and more relaxed for it.

I am an American living in Stockholm, and I'm almost sure that's where this young advice-seeker who wrote to Cary is living, as it's here that there has been a remarkable increase in rapes over the past year. Even if that's not where she is, Stockholm is a good microcosm of what is happening throughout Scandinavia. The situation here is very pertinent to this debate.

This input might help Salon readers understand why this girl is in the condition she's in, and why she feels so helpless.

First of all, the Swedish media is obsessed with rape stories. Every time there is a rape in Stockholm, it is written up in the newspapers in lurid detail. Stockholmers are avid readers of tabloids -- admittedly, these are rather high-quality Scandinavian tabloids with real news in them, a far cry from our National Enquirer, but nevertheless these are papers that splay rape stories across the front page in red ink. I have never met people more conscious of the details of every rape in their city, in such a real-time, blow-by-blow manner.

So that's the first thing that might explain this girl's paranoia.

Secondly, there's something else going on in Sweden. It's not at all uncommon for certain Arab men to yell "Swede whore" at Swedish women. That's bad, but more problematic is that these men are not prosecuted by the Swedish government. This minority of muslim men is very publicly and unabashedly shouting "whore" at women on the street who are not wearing veils, and it is NOT TREATED LIKE THE HATE CRIME IT IS. Because, supposedly it would not be tolerant of their "culture" to prosecute them.

And who are the victims of this failure to prosecute? Swedish women, sure, in the short term. But in the long run, it's Muslim men who are the victims. The truth is that the vast majority of Muslim men in Sweden would never dream of behaving this way. Never in a million years. They came to Sweden, in many instances, to escape the oppression/fundamentalism of their governments back at home. The last thing they want to do is insult the people of the country that has been nothing but generous to them. In my Swedish language courses, I have met dozens of such men, and heard their stories of how they came to this country. Most Swedes never have the opportunity to speak to the Muslim immigrants to this country in depth. So they don't know what I do: the majority are open-minded, respectful, hardworking, appreciative of Western culture. And they are now the victims of this situation. They are avoided on the street, passed over for jobs, regarded with fear. And in some very small but significant number of cases, that alienation, sense of exclusion, does have a nasty result: hatred of Swedish culture and simmering violent/belligerant tendencies that will keep the cycle of mutual dislike between Swedes and Arabs alive.

And so eventually their fellow Muslims back at home, when they too become refugees fleeing US-led violence politics, will not be able to come to this country, traditionally a haven to the oppressed, because of the backlash against them on the part of Swedish voters. If the few Muslim men who lashed out at Western women would even get a wrist slap, that would send a message: sexism/misogyny and the hate crimes associated are not acceptable in this country. The obnoxious behavior on the part of those few would likely stop, and the a new basis for trust could begin to take shape.

In this age of conflict between the Muslim and Western worlds, there is something governments must accept: there are always going to be some bad apples that commit hate crimes/acts of terror. It is a fact of human nature that when people are hyper-aware of crime, they begin to be hyper fearful. When they are hyper fearful, they WILL begin to discriminate. It is too exhausting to be afraid of everyone, so people begin to try to decide who is most likely to hurt them -- the criteria they use are VERY likely to be racist or otherwise unfair. This is how we are made, and there is a primitive logic to it. So it is necessary for governments to go back to the source -- to find ways of making people feel less fear, to hold hysteria to a minimum rather than stoking it, and ensure that those who commit crimes of whatever kind are held accountable. The young woman who wrote to Cary feels unprotected, and frankly -- rightly so. Not because of all the bogeymen around here, but because of her government's misguided liberalism.

There was a time in the US when a black person would walk down the street and some old racist could snarl the N-word at them. Now maybe those old racists are saying it under their breath, but few would dream of saying it out loud. And that's damn right. They shouldn't be able to express their hatred out loud. And if we're going to get anywhere, we can't make a difference between the hatred of the dominant culture against the minority culture vs. the hatred of the minority culture against the dominant culture. The law must be equal. The culture might be tolerant of other cultures, but the law must not institutionalize difference. This is a basic premise of civil rights.