I am surprised that noone dare to mention the big elephant in the room,

when discussing increase in European inner-city crimes. Black in USA, like

people from the Middle East in Europe, have a lot higher crime rates than the

rest of the population. People in USA should be very familar with the

discussion that now has reached Europe, about whether a high crime-rate is due to

cultural differences or ecomomical/rasist limits. Also the inner-city

gang tradition in the US is often presented as very cool in movies and music, and very

tempting for a number of youths torn between the strict rules of the parents and

the perceived free sex for all on the street. Al-Quida members partying in Vegas

before condemning western civilisation is an extreme example of this.

While a number of cultures certainly look down on women, IMHO the recent strong

increase in rapes in Scandinavia also has a strong element of hip-hop coolness in it.

The bling-bling factor is off the scale sometimes.

And just to clarify. My comments on the gangs is not an European attemtpt

to say everything bad is from the US. USA is a strong trend-setter for the

entire world, but sometimes the trends ends up as caricatures of the original.

I pity those who teach English who has to point all the time that the language used

in music and movies are very different from the language that shoud used

in reality.

The grocery store, not a typical place to hit on people/be hit on? Letter writer, letter writer, letter writer... I mean, not that _I_ do, but my God, there's, like, no more typical venue for it than your average frat party.

Aside from that, not much to add. An Iranian professor of mine once said that the people in his country from the hills, when they came to Tehran, and found people somewhat looser, had a very hard time understanding exactly how they were supposed to behave. I can see how people from very strict societies might not feel they have a road map.

As to the news stories, they'd frighten me too. I'm reading from our friends here from Scandinavia that there is a tendency to exaggerate the stories somewhat. I've had the same experience in San Francisco, where if I paid attention to the TV news, I'd be petrified of being stabbed lately. A few years ago, living in San Jose, I was told by the news that my neighborhood was "on edge" because of the first case of West Nile virus being found in a dead bird (not two miles from me!). They interviewed a local guy, who they'd plainly been trying to goad for comment, and he said: "oh, uh, yeah... I'm concerned, sure... and there are kids around, aren't there? Yeah, I'd be very concerned about that..." Right.

I do mind myself when walking in San Francisco at night, not to get into a stupid situation, and there's common sense, and the self-defense classes people are advising seem sensible too. But then let it go. At a certain point, you've done everything you can do, just be aware, but don't let this nonsense paralyze you. Live your life. Be well--Anon

I wish I could give you some of my "huh?!" attitude to rape and street-threats in general. And I wish I could give you some of whatever-it-is that I have that seem to fend off harassment, even "on the crowded streets of Cairo" (or in my case, touristy towns in Morocco & Tunisia - which for a blond Scandinavian is probably worse).

But I can't. The suggestions on self-defense classes as confidence building is probably good. And I think you should listen to Sjbrodwall (perhaps Cary could facilitate an exchange of email-adresses and you could have coffee), especially as she seems to know your environment more in detail than I, in Helsingfors/Helsinki could.

I think she has a good point in that it is worthwhile to think about cultural issues - I've never seen them so much as muslim/arab/mediterranean/whatever chauvinistic as as a question of class. Ugly as it is, class IMO is _the_ key to send off "don't even think of it!"-vibes.

A tight-lipped "lady-of-the-manor" response to unwanted advances seem to have a tremendous effect on middle-eastern/whatever harassers. Polite, yes, but only to the extent that the harassment is polite. (For instance: a "hey pretty girl!" merits a shake of the head, perhaps a half smile - but NOT a look. Something cruder an annoyed look and the full ice-queen demeanor (channeling the thought: "what riff-raff! I'm sure your mother would weep and your sisters be embarassed"). A friendly but insistent "Could you help me and be my friend" would be a half-smile, and either a head shake or a "no, sorry, not interested", and perhaps a fleeting glance.)

And for everyone crying "racist!", I can tell you that the ice-queen routine works equally well on dough-faced ugly domestic drunks (well, not *as* well, but they get the same treatment from me, and usually get the message too, if a bit slower).

When I was young the big influx of immigrants/refugees hadn't yet begun here in Finland, so I had less need of these skills then at home than I would if I were 15 years younger (LW's age). But I did get chatted up in cafés a few times - I even let myself be invited to dinner by one "gentleman", complete with drinks at his hotelroom beforehand (foolish me, stupid 18yo), a few later coffee-dates with some other fellows. The interesting thing, especially in retrospect is that I for some reason must have turned on my inner ice-queen as soon as my companions even hinted at something inappropriate: I got apologised to a few times (and shown pictures of sisters & mothers!), and even the insistant nagger for sex relented long before it got to the point where I get up and just walk out.

Not that any of this is any help to you, LW, because as you yourself know, your fear isn't rational. The problem with the press here in Scandinavia is that it creates a picture of this "other" that is wholly dominated by gangs of rootless youth. I wonder if the "bigot" -part of your paranoia could be helped by meeting some normal muslims, especially strong women? You'd still have the problem of general street-safety paranoia, of course - but perhaps that would then be easier to tackle.

And to all the American debaters here: one part of the LW's problem is that what might be considered "normal street-safe behaviour" in your larger cities is NOT normal here. You don't usually need to think about anything like that here - which means that the LW's modus of not walking everywhere (or anywhere) alone after 11 at night is not viewed as normal prudent behaviour, but as a real phobia and very weird.

Which also means that she has no tools for feeling safer on the streets at night. By a lucky chance I got some from home, but that is unusual in our contexts I later learned.

LW, the tools I'm talking about here are the very simple things: walk at the outer side of the curb, walk with a purpose - no loitering, look ahead and avoid trouble without anticipating it, don't be drunk (that's what taxis are for!), when someone asks you something be polite but don't stop your stride.

Heh - on a total different note, I just realised that it is lucky the LW isn't in Finland. Then we would *really* have had a field-day here, as the comparable cases in Finland have been Somali gang-rapes. Both bigotted and racist! (Before that we had "HIV-Thomas", a black HIV+ American who was a serial raper...)