Kind of like weather-experts who urge citizens not to follow a common-held belief that hiding under an overpass is a safe thing to do in a tornado, self-defense instructors, crime experts, and profilers must all be banging their heads against the wall over this silliness.

Look, if a rapist is out there to rape you, he is going to rape you whether you're in a mini-skirt or a nun's habit. He will not prey on the "least dressed" because it makes him horny, he will prey on the most vulnerable because he thinks he can get away with it. The former is just some old-fashioned belief based around the idea that men can't control their actions. All the perpetuation of that does is, well, perpetuate it and give a rapist fodder during trial ("she was wearing stripes. Stripes make me horny, you know") or a woman a reason not to come foward ("well, my bra-strap may have shown while I reached down to pick up the bad of food"). Never mind that most rapes don't happen in the "stranger in the alley/on the bus" cliche.

For the record? I think they guy is just being jealous. Take care!

The boyfriend is right. Men tend to be controlling abusive, and creepy. Look at all those weird organized religions they invented (judaism, christianity and islam) that put themselves as God's and women as slaves. And they want to kill anyone who doesn't want to follow their mysoginistic religions. Look at all the women Christianity murdered during the dark ages. The restrictions all religions place on women. Look at the Adam and Eve myth. Blaming everything on the women while denying women of all power. Face it, men will abuse you every chance they get so cover your ass. Men are a puss on the face of the planet. Always have been. Don't let them destroy you, they will.

Last week, I took the bus home around 9. It was crowded because the rain discouraged walking and taxicabs were full. A woman in "party clothes" got on and asked me if she could use my bus pass since she didn't have one. It was obvious that she was not a regular bus user. I could also tell that she had already started her party and was a bit tipsy. I gave her my pass, took her two dollars and sat down.

A few stops later, she got up to leave. Her dress, which obviously could not be worn with a bra, was bothering her somehow and she fussed with in the back. Doing so, it was pulled open in the rear, displaying all of her her utterly pantyless backside.

Every guy on the bus leaned forward to catch this show, which lasted the length of the bus as she wobbled to the front to get off.

It was a bit sad, in a way, but also alarming. Any one of these guys could have gotten off and followed her, assuming that she was there for the taking. That would be profoundly wrong, of course, but a typical male reaction.

So, as I saw the question posed, the answer, to me, was obvious. Yes, it is dangerous. And I don't think it would be abusive or controlling to say so.

Some men do too.

Maybe it's not sexism.

Maybe it's a whole 'nother kind of relationship.

We don't know if he suggested or ordered.

Maybe he should get her ju jitsu lessons (preferable with the Gracie brothers) so she can beat the hell out of people and take guns away.

Or maybe LW should lighten up. That so many people here are using the "common sense" argument makes me think this is not so big as the LW makes it. She may be just stirring up mess. LW seems to like drama.

As a long-time user of public transportation, I have only been victimized twice: once by a classic frotteur, and once by a creep who kept trying to grab my nether regions while I was (apparently) asleep.

The first time was on the Washington Metro during the morning rush. I was wearing conservative business clothes and reading the newspaper.

The second time was in the first-class cabin of United Airlines, and I was wearing conservative business clothes and trying to sleep after reading a book and having no interaction with loathsome my seatmate, who was apparently an attorney.

The message now, then and always is that creeps will take being female as an engraved invitation to perpetrate their creepiness. Just ask the women of Cairo who were recently assaulted by gangs in broad daylight in spite of wearing head scarves. Unless we can find a way to completely disguise our gender, the best solution is to hold creeps accountable for their actions, not to hector women with a litany of prescriptive behaviors that will have little to no effect on the perps.

To the undoubtedly well-intentioned Mr. Boyfriend: a gift of tae kwan do lessons might have been more constructive.

Um, why are we discussing whether the boyfriend is right or wrong?

The red flag for me is that the woman states that she can't go on a bus at night because "my boyfriend doesn't want me to."

What does SHE think? Her friend asked her, not her boyfriend.

If she agrees, why doesn't she say "I don't feel comfortable doing that"? That she is a mouthpiece for her boyfriend would indicate a controlling relationship that as a friend, WOULD worry me. That is the language of an abusive relationship, and of a woman who has abdicated her decisionmaking power. If she has a history of this, all the more worrisome.

And doesn't she dress herself? If she and/or the boyfriend think her party clothes are too revealing for public transportation bring a damn sweater. Or go dancing in a turtleneck. Why does she have to stay home instead?

Thanks for the philosophy, Cary, but this one seems pretty simple. And you are not doing any favors by not identifying this for your readers as red flag behavior for abusive relationships.