Letters to the Editor
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I hope she does it, but of course it's her potential messed-up marriage, not mine
It would be hard for me to stay in a marriage with a man who thought he ought to have the last word over what I did to my own body. It would also be hard for me to stay married to a husband who thought he understood my mental health better than I did, which is totally paternalistic, and was willing to secondguess me in this way, and then issue a command from on high. This woman has three kids to take into consideration, so she may choose differently, but if it were me, I'd never stop resenting it.
It sounds to me from your letter that fortunately you do not think your husband will never get over a decision on your part to have this baby. However, I say, to the LW, that if you have enough money to support your children after a possible divorce, then go have your sister's baby if it is something you really feel you want to do.
If not, and if you seriously think your husband will divorce you over the matter but will not adequately take care of his obligations to your living children if this divorce happens (you have not mentioned any of these matters, of course) then out of obligation to your children, you are stuck. Don't have the baby, and if you are not able to get over your natural feelings about a man controlling your body against your own wishes, then divorce him after your children are adults (or sooner if you come to feel you really must)--and spend the time between now and then building up your financial and emotional ability to live alone, as well as your community connections (if they need building) so that you can find a new husband if you decide you want one someday.
I think your husband's showing his true colors right now. I could be (and hope) I am wrong, but from your letter, it sounds to me as though he really does think he should have the final word on this matter. You're not me, and will make your own decision that is right for you and your children, but honestly, if it were me, I have to say that control over my own body would be one of the few, *extremely* rare deal-breakers for me in a marriage.