Letters to the Editor
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Cary, grow a spine!
Like you say, this isn't a little thing, it is a big thing.
Has it occurred to you that this might be a big thing for the husband as well?
That his resentment about having his boundaries completely disregarded in the making of this decision might last much, much longer than nine months? That this may very well be the end of the marriage?
I mean come on: you are counselling her to go ahead with this whether her husband likes it or not. This is supposed to be a marriage, a partnership. If she had written to you saying "I want to have another baby but my husband doesn't want another-- should I just 'oops' him?" what would you say?
What I would tell the letter writer is that something like this is only feasible is EVERYONE involved is 100% in favor and ready to be fully supportive. Otherwise, watch as the marriage falls apart and get ready for your three children to be deeply traumatized.
That to me is really basic.