Letters to the Editor
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If it was me.
Someone earlier mentioned "how would she feel if her husband were asked to sire a child for his sterile brother?"
I can't speak for the LW, I can only speak for me. And though my SO doesn't have any brothers, I would be completely A-OK with him doing that if he wanted to. While I love the idea of adopting, I know people are attached to the idea of having children genetically related to them, and that solves the problem handily.
We aren't talking about surrogacy where the child is going to be given away to a stranger later. This child will be a part of the family no matter what. I think this would be a terrific way of doing things, personally--the sister can be close enough to *participate* in the pregnancy, not just observe it happening from a distance. And LW will get to participate in the child's life, only without having to actually be the disciplinarian. (Only here can we give birth to a child and still get to be the Cool Aunt!)
I think that, despite the husband's objections, the idea that this could end the marriage is a little strong unless they've got other serious problems right now. It's a temporary situation. I don't, personally, want to be married to the sort of man who would leave over a few extra months of morning sickness. The fact that he doesn't think it's a good idea doesn't mean he's going to divorce her, it means he thinks the idea sucks. But then, he's never been the one carrying the kids. This sounds like the sort of objection that'll pass with time.
I don't think staying married is inherently difficult, to contradict the divorce lawyer. I think we're all told that it's too hard and so nobody tries anymore. Seriously, look what we're talking about. Divorced over an unagreed-upon pregnancy that won't actually result in a child they have to raise! A permanent solution to a ten-month problem. Isn't it ludicrous to think of it in that context? "I know this will be over with by next year, honey, and I've loved you for all these years, but I'm going to have to leave, now." Who would say that, really? Well, no, I know some men would. But how many of them would you really want to continue living with?
If your marriage is on such a brittle foundation that this seems like a really likely possibility, the problem isn't your ideas of surrogacy, it's your idea of marriage. On the other hand, from the LW's tone I don't get the idea that divorce is imminent, just that the husband will be upset if she chooses to do it. Involve the sister and her husband as a support system to take stress off LW's husband, and then let LW's husband have something special to take the edge off... a golf vacation or a new television or whatever thing *he's* been itching about for years that *she* didn't approve of. No, you can't fix everything with shiny toys, but I think a willingness to talk about what *he* wants to make up for doing what *she* wants would go a long way.